Acing Singlehood – Top Ways To Be Single & Happy

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More often than not, we enter singlehood out of lack of choice and reluctance, rather than pure and true desire to be single. Even if we do want to be single, it’s usually due to the desperate need to get out of a toxic / unhealthy relationship, more than anything else.

I was so used to being in relationships, of barely ever being alone – that just the thought of it almost had me running for the hills. I was scared of my own presence, of being lonely, of never finding anyone else, and yes – of what other people will think.

It took me a lot of stumbles, tears and broken bones – but four years in, and I cannot imagine my life any other way. Even the scars that were left in me, are basically trophies that I cherish. They are reminders of my bravery and inner strength. Of all that I have been through and pulled through stronger. They are what shaped me into the person that I am today. In this post I will share with you the top 10 ways I learned to enjoy my singlehood and to be single and happy. 

1. Make time for the things you love – attain hobbies

I spoke about this in my previous blog post “How To Self Love”, and it applies here as well. Not only does it help you to improve your self love, but it will also in turn help you improve your single life as a whole. If you want to get out of bed with a smile in the morning, you need to actually fill your day with things worth getting up for.

I think it starts with making time for your hobbies. With fun and exciting things that add substance and significance. Whether it be things that you’re already talented in and want to work on, or new things you want to try. I’m all for a mix between the two. And also keep in mind that sometimes the things we’re the worst at, are the most fun. Because there is less pressure, and you don’t feel so bad to just let go… And what will be will be.

2. Have a meaningful job – something you love and enjoy

No one wants to get up every single morning and go to a job they suffer at. Where they just hate the work itself or the people in it. Maybe they’re professionally bored. Or Under-appreciated. It’s miserable, and I don’t think you can be content with yourself and your life like that. In general, but especially when you’re single, and want to enjoy your singlehood… You have to put that extra effort into having a proper career, which you actually enjoy and want to get out of bed for… Even on cold winter days, when it’s pouring rain outside.

Your job has to add extra value to your life, even if you don’t necessarily make a lot of money. I think quality over quantity definitely applies here. Also, a huge aspect of this is working at a place where there is a great group of people you get along with. People that make it even better. 

3. Surround yourself with good people

While I preach a lot about how being alone isn’t lonely and learning to feel comfortable in your own company… You still need to have good, valuable people in your life. So make sure to hang out with your friends and family. Just because you’re single, and happy alone, doesn’t mean you always have to be alone and can’t hang out. It’s actually super important to maintain those relationships, because after the relationship you have with yourself, they are the most important. You don’t have a significant other that you need to invest in, or to fulfil your social needs. So you have to make sure to fill your life with other relationships, and make sure that they bring you happiness and make you feel good. That you can have fun with them and also turn to them when you’re down or need help.

4. Remove toxic people from your life, and stop chasing

I’ve also preached about this many times over, and cannot stress enough how crucial it is to stop chasing people if you want to be single and happy. Someone who wants to be in your life, will do so. They will put in the same efforts that you are. You shouldn’t be the one doing all the work, even if they do mean well and are just bad at it. In the long run, it can just exhaust you and make you more miserable.

You also need to remove toxic people from your life. The one’s that don’t care enough, don’t make any effort and most of all – the ones that hurt you. Just cut them off, rip them out like a plaster. People that make you cry and hurt more than they make you smile and laugh, should be kicked out the door and locked behind. You will never enjoy your single life, if you’re constantly chasing toxic people that only make you feel like crap.

5. Workout and eat healthy – for no one, but yourself

This is also something I wrote about in my “How To Self Love” post, and I truly believe that the outside seeps inwards and vise versa. When you feel good about what you look like, and your overall health and lifestyle, you will also feel better about yourself and your life.

When you feel good about yourself, you will be happier in your own company, you will love yourself more. Working out and keeping a healthy lifestyle, should be something you maintain and work on only for yourself. No one else. If you’re constantly trying to look better for others, you’ll never be satisfied with yourself or your singlehood. You only need your own approval. When you get your own approval, it’s much easier to be single and happy.

Mandy Hale books for singles – UK STORE:

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6. Learn how to self love and feel comfortable in your own company

The first step in my opinion, is to practice self love, to not let anyone get to you and believe in yourself. This step is so crucial, it’s the key of being single and happy, of enjoying your single life to its fullest. I mean, how can you be happy with your single status if you don’t enjoy your own company? If you can’t stand being in the presence of your own mind?

You need to start working on building a relationship with yourself – just like any other relationship that you have – then constantly work on maintaining it and growing it into something incredible. When you’re single is the prime time to start working on this, because you have so much time for yourself. And believe me, if you’re not happy in your own skin and company, no other relationship – but the one you have with yourself, will make you feel fulfilled 

7. Embrace your whole self 

The world is thankfully starting to change in this regard, but still not enough. Everywhere you look, on almost every billboard and commercial, all you see is an amount of “perfection” which doesn’t exist. Perfection which isn’t attainable for the average joe. We constantly compare ourselves and each other, to the point where we leave us no room to ever be happy and satisfied. Up until not long ago, it was extremely rare to see models with stretch marks, cellulite or over the size zero.

It’s slowly starting to change, but people still feel bad about themselves because the standards are so impossibly high. People are still being shamed for their body, acne and other image issues. So I say, stop caring and start embracing. Yourselves, your “imperfections” and others. Embrace yourself, with all your quirks and scars, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad or put you down. 

8. Stop caring about what people think

If we constantly worry about what everyone thinks, we will never be happy with ourselves or our singleness. Listening to what others have to say, to people who only bring us down – will prevent us from moving forward and making any progress. I know it’s not easy with the current consensuses about singles, but it’s necessary to be single and happy.

Sometimes people don’t even say or think anything, but we build it up in our heads, because we’re paranoid. We care too much about what others will say or think, that even if they don’t, we think that they do. So just stop giving a f*ck about what people will think, if they see you sitting alone at a restaurant, or about you being single in general. Because that will just deteriorate and you will never achieve anything that way. 

9. Maintain a relationship with yourself

Just like every other relationship you have in your life, you need to work on the one you have with yourself, too. I also believe that when you work on yours, all the other relationships you have, will be that much better. If you struggle with this and where to start – just pick a relationship you have that you love and enjoy, and use it as a guide of sorts.

For example, the relationship I have with my best friend:
We have deep, honest conversations, surprise each other for our B-days, go for walks together, enjoy shopping sprees and great meals, ect. You can make a list, and just do those same things, but with yourself. Put special emphasis on self care and dating yourself. They are both super crucial for developing and maintaining a relationship with yourself, and thus, being single and happy.

10. Work on your independence

You cannot be truly happy and enjoy singlehood, if you’re constantly dependent on others. Whether it be for your happiness, or for assistance in daily tasks or making life decisions. It’s great to have people to depend on, I’ve written above how important it is. But they cannot be your constant leaning pole.

You need to learn how to walk and manage on your own. Independence comes from maintaining singleness, and a strong singlehood is derived from independence. Meaning they depend on each other. I’m at a point now where I’m basically in love with my independence. To the point where I’m pretty sure I’m addicted. But that comes with time and perseverance. In the long run, it will also do wonders for your decision making skills and confidence. Which lets face it, is super attractive. 

If you want to have a meaningful and significant single life, you need to fill your life with things that bring you joy, substance and value.

Things that give you purpose and a great reason to get up every morning, with excitement to face the day ahead. If you just pass it by, and just transfer your body from point A to point B, with no real desire, you’ll never be happy. And that’s not only if you’re single. So make sure to schedule the things you love and enjoy, the people that are huge added bonuses to your awesomeness. 

Then know your worth and never, ever settle. 

“Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.”

Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
Michal B.L.

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