The Biggest Single Life Worries

These are the biggest single life worries that one may have and be concerned with, and how best to face and cope with them. 

Worrying is an inseparable part of life and being a human, we all do it and unfortunately, it seems to be pretty inevitable. From the small silly things, to the big, life changing concerns – they all make a debut at one point or another. Some come and overstay their welcome, and others leave just as quickly as they come. There are also a few worries that are good ones to have, in my opinion, because they act as a protection shield of sorts… Because they prevent us from doing stupid things. Either way, one of the most difficult tasks in life is trying not to obsess over them. I mean, who else had countless sleepless nights, because their brain won’t stop racing?

The following worries that I’m going to write about are the biggest, most prominent ones that I’ve experienced during my singlehood. I am very aware that these worries aren’t exclusive to singles, and also people in relationships have them. However, the biggest difference is – that singles cope with most of them alone. And  I will be focusing on how they affect single life, and how you can also manage them on your own.

1. Loneliness

Last week I posted about overcoming fear of singleness and loneliness, and I spoke about how important it is to face it. Unfortunately, more often than not, loneliness accompanies people throughout their single life journey. Unfortunately many people avoid singlehood, because of this worry. Instead, they stay in the wrong relationship, or jump straight into another one, which is probably also wrong for them. And coping with all this alone, makes them even more lonely. It’s a legitimate worry to have, because if done wrong, being single can be very lonely.

If you do it right, however, and take advantage of being single to work on yourself and your self-relationship… You will learn how to actually enjoy your own company, and not avoid it like the plague. I am very aware of how difficult that is, of how hard it can be to stop worrying about loneliness, even when you do enjoy your own company. But it isn’t impossible, and even if you can’t achieve it 100%, you can still get very close… And that’s more than enough, because rarely is anything 100% in life. Step one is accepting that this worry of loneliness is part of life. Step two is taking whatever measures you can to overcome that loneliness and worries of it. Step three is not quitting, and just keep going.

Tips & tricks I use to be less lonely and calm my worries of loneliness:

1. Spend time with my friends and family.
2. Keeping my daily schedule full and productive.
3. Working on something I’m super passionate about – having a job I love.
4. Investing in my hobbies and finding new ones.
5. Learning and trying new things.

2. Financial 

Oh, where do I even begin? So much of life revolves around money, around how to get it, how to spend it and not having enough. Like me, I’m sure many of you are also worried about your next pay cheque, and will it be enough to cover all of your spendings. Being single you rely only on your own incomings, and have no one else’s to fall back on. And yeah, you probably spend less when you’re single… But besides the fact that some expenses remain the same whether you’re one or two (like certain bills, etc.) Having to cope with financial worries alone, is also an issue – regardless of the money itself. You only have yourself to fend for, and you don’t usually have a back if something goes wrong. 

Personally, I don’t like to depend on my parents for money, or to always get me out of sticky situations. I’m also fully aware that not many people have or can count on their parents. But if you can, it’s okay to let them support you – within reason. You cannot count on them all the time, and you need to learn how to stand on your own. Whether it’s by hiring an accountant, or an agent that can help you manage your income and spendings. Take a crash course on smart spendings if you need to… Whatever it takes. Because it’s important to be aware of this aspect, and always have a backup plan and funds. 

Tips & tricks I use to stay financially stable and calm my financial worries:

1. Create a saving plan – no matter how small, put away a certain amount every month.
2. Create a budget – writing it all down in a detailed, organized plan can really help.
3. Live within your means and spend wisely – according to your budget plan. Don’t spend what you don’t have.
4. Set a credit card limit – one that won’t allow you to go overboard, and will keep you in check.

3. Life changes

Changes can be very scary, leaving your comfort zone in favour of the unknown, is never going to be a comfortable process. But I truly believe that when you are most scared of change, is when you need it the most. It’s a hard mindset to adopt, I’m aware, but with time and practice it does get easier. You just have to keep forcing yourself to put up a fight, and make those changes despite the fear. This year especially has faced us all with daunting life changes. Whether it be having no job, or switching jobs. Having to move out, and even move back in with your parents. Needing to rely on unemployment money. Starting your own business. Changing career paths. – These are all changes that I’ve faced this year, like I’m sure many of you had as well.

Having to cope and deal with them alone, did make them harder and more scary. The worries about my whole life changing in front of my eyes, are all consuming. Sleepless nights, with my brain overflowing with racing, obsessive worries, have become a regular thing. Not knowing what tomorrow will look like and what it would bring, and having no one but myself to worry with, was daunting… To say the least. But this year, with all it’s changes, has also brought many positive outcomes. Like starting this blog – actually having the time to invest in it. It’s not easy, change rarely is… But facing it with bravery, is what makes you stronger. And with time you learn how to embrace it.

Tips & tricks I use to face life changes and calm my worries about changes:

1. Having a strong support system. – I know not everyone has one, and it’s not easy to always find good people you can count on… But even one person is enough, and you need to put in the effort to find them.
2. Positive affirmations. – Use affirmations that remind you how strong you are and help you focus on the positive aspects.
3. Therapeutic activities – This may seem a bit odd, but it does really help to keep you calm. And when you’re calm, you cope better. 

4. Staying single

No matter how comfortable you are in your own company or how happy you are to be single… You’re probably still at least a bit worried to be single forever. I love being single, and I love having all of the freedom and space I want and need. But even worry about never finding anyone, and staying alone forever. There are times when I’m actually fine with that, but other times I find myself panicking over it. This fear is dangerous mainly because it can send you into a depressive black hole, but also because it can drive you into doing stupid things. Like chasing and dating all the wrong people and even jumping into any relationship you can find.

Facing this worry can be very tricky, and you should always proceed with caution. When you reach a point where you’re comfortable with yourself and your singleness… And you feel ready to start a relationship, make a plan for yourself. As silly as it may sound, I find that it’s important so you can keep yourself in check and not make the same mistakes. You need to learn from you past mistakes, and do better this time around. Keep them in mind and don’t let your worries of staying single forever consume you. Start your search, use the help of your friends and family – and do it all calmly and one step at a time.

Tips & tricks I use to face my worries of staying single forever

1. I ask myself what’s the worst thing that can happen? Then I remind myself that I have other precious relationships in my life. I also focus on all the other aspects and things I have in my life.
2. When you’ll feel ready – there are so many options you can use to find the right person for you.
3. Again, I keep my schedule full and fill my life with hobbies and work that I love – and so can you.

5. Stigmas and misconceptions

People tend to be very opinionated, and more often than not – like to share them with you, even when they’re not wanted. During the past four and a half years of my singlehood, I was on the receiving end of many annoying questions and statements about being single… Which illustrated the stigmas and misconceptions about singleness that society holds on to. Having to cope and deal with others’ opinions, along with your own – can be beyond frustrating, annoying and hard. Most of us that are just starting our singlehood journey… Tend to be self deprecating. So adding on that all of the stigmas and misconceptions from others, can only intensify your worries.

Even four and a half years later, with how much I embrace myself and my singleness, I still worry about what people will think or say. Not as much as I used to, but it’s still there at the back of my mind. And I’m sure you worry about this too, always dreading that moment that people will ask their unwanted questions. Or voice their unsolicited advice and opinions. With time it does get easier, and you do learn how to just brush it off or ignore it. You learn how to stop caring and knowing how happy you are is enough. But this takes patience and perseverance, and pushing through it all no matter what.

Tips & tricks I use to face stigmas and misconceptions and the worries of them:

1. Learn some comebacks – simple and tactful responses that will shut them up.
2. Focus on yourself and remind yourself that their opinion doesn’t matter.
3. If you can, just walk away and focus on things and people who don’t put you in that box.

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Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
Michal B.L.

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