Putting Yourself First

These are the top four steps you can take, to help you learn how to put yourself first.

Putting yourself first is a matter of self respect and preservation, not a battle of egos or a hierarchy putting you above all, claiming that you’re better than anyone else. 

First and foremost, before even beginning the process of learning how to put yourself first… It’s important to set proper boundaries and establish limitations. Both for yourself toward yourself, and for others towards you. Make sure not to put up with bad treatment and behaviour, again – both from you and others. Then, make sure that you create a proper balance between yourself, others and your work, etc. Because you can’t put yourself above all, all the time. When something is harmful, put yourself first and get the hell out of there. But when you have a job or relationship that you value, that is good for you… Make sure to put them first too, when need be. 

In addition, you also need to set your priorities straight. Examine all of the people and things in your life, then establish their place in your list of importance. What is essential, and what is not. What is important to you, sentimental for you. Granted they’re all also good for you, they can stay. Ponder over what makes you happy, and what just the idea of makes you happy – and learn how to make that observation. Once you have some form of sense and idea of what your priorities are, start following the steps below.

1. Check the people surrounding you 

Surround yourself with people who won’t demand you put them first all the time and remove the ones that do.

Relationships, of all shapes and forms, should be mutual… Both of you put each other first  sometimes, and understand when the other needs to put themselves first. Also, you should both put each other first sometimes, above others. It’s just a part of being in a relationship – platonic and romantic alike. You need to take some time, and be brutally honest with yourself, as you reflect on the people in your life. Just like spring cleaning – when you declutter and clean your physical surroundings… You need to declutter the people in your life. It sounds terrible, I know. But suffering through a relationship that harms you, is even worse. 

Make a list, whether it be a mental or physical one, of all the people in your life.

If you find that they neglect you and your relationship with them, they need to go. And I don’t mean someone who means well and does show care, but is just terrible at keeping in touch. It’s important to note that fine line. What I mean is someone who just doesn’t put in any effort. People who don’t ever put you first, or only ever consider you as an after though… Are not really friends, and are not valuable enough for you to keep putting in all the hard work. Because let’s face it, keeping in touch is hard, and it’s never easy to find time for everyone. So make sure that the ones who do get your time, are the ones that value you, too.

You cannot possibly be able to put yourself first, if all or most of the people around you don’t. And if a person in your circle never puts you first, it’s their issue, and has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a bad person… It could also just mean that it’s the wrong fit. And that’s okay. Just make sure that you don’t let it put you down, and find the right people who fit instead. When you surround yourself with people who truly care, and put you first whenever necessary… It will help you value yourself more and put yourself first, too. It may also show you how to do it properly. 

2. Personal development and growth

Work on your own leveling up and upgrading yourself. Don’t settle for less and don’t be just average. Be the best version of yourself. 

Life is about evolving and growing. Just look around you, everything in nature – whether it be living things or botanicals… it all revolves around growth. Nothing ever stays the same for too long. Trees shed their levees in the fall, then regrow them in the spring. And us humans are no different. We go through life learning and experiencing new things and places, we meet new people. We lose our way, and then find a different one. It all has an impact on our lives, and each one changes us a bit. With every life experience we become better and wiser. And if we don’t go out and experience, we’re likely to stay stuck in place, and so will our growth.

We need to make a conscious decision to be active participants in our life and work on allowing our experiences to help us develop.

Don’t let things just happen to you, or fly over your head. Within reason, and never fanatically, make sure to show up. Be present in the moment and be aware of your journey. Set some goals, small daily ones, and big life changing ones. Then fill your life with things and activities that will get you to them. Constantly and consistently place a mirror in front of yourself, reflect on who you are right now. Where did you come from, are you where you want to be, and where are you headed to. And then adjust accordingly. Check what in your life is working for you, what and what is vibing on your ideal frequency, and what isn’t? What is keeping you back, and what is pushing you forward? Then declutter accordingly.

When you do this, when you learn how to be the best version of yourself, and keep working to evolve and level up – you will be better at putting yourself first. Just by allowing yourself, and putting yourself in personal developing situations and places, you’re already putting yourself first. And when you are constantly growing and working on doing and being better, it’s also a form of putting yourself first. And when you become a version of yourself that you actually like, that you worked hard for and are proud of, it will be so much easier and better. 

3. Create a self care routine

There are many forms of self care, make sure to incorporate a diverse variety of them all, into your life.

Last week I wrote a whole post about the different, best ways to show yourself some much needed self care. I believe that every person, and especially singles, should practice self care regularly. Singles don’t have a partner to do it for them, and that’s why if you’re single – you probably need to provide it for yourself even more so. Many times, we don’t practice self care, and tend to neglect ourselves… Either because we’re too busy catering to others. Or we don’t believe we deserve it, or perhaps don’t know how and where to even begin. 

Create your own custom self-care routine

You need to incorporate all five ways of self caring into your life, and create the balance between them that suits you best. Learning how to embrace yourself and learning how to self care go hand in hand. They generate one another and help each other grow. So if you want to be the best version of yourself you can be, and keep evolving… You need to start taking steps towards self care. Start small and build on that. Even if you have to force yourself at first, with time it will become natural and easier, and even addicting. When you take care of yourself properly, you will want to put yourself first.

When you learn how to self care properly, you also learn how to love yourself better, and vice versa. Just by practicing self love and care you’re already putting yourself first, making an investment in you. And by doing so, you will also want to put yourself first more, because you actually care about yourself. The more you self care, the easier and better you will be at putting yourself first. As a single person, who has no partner consistently showing you self care, you need to take that position of being your own partner, and take care of yourself. 

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• Self-Care Checklist
• Self-Care Tracker
• 30 Days Self-Care Bingo

4. Dreams and goal setting

Focus on your own goals and dreams, take steps every day to achieve them, and don’t only help others achieve theirs.

Living our lives is not just a matter of moving our bodies from point A to point B. It’s not just a random string of events and experiences. Or at least it shouldn’t be. Don’t just let life happen to you, don’t be a passive bystander in your own life. Be an active participant in your life, live in the moments you’re in. Take part in them, and don’t just sit on the sidelines watching. Be proactive in discovering what your passion is, what your dreams are. Then in setting goals to  pursue them. Living solely for others is never going to make you truly happy, you also need to learn how to live for yourself. Which begins with setting life goals, striving to do and be something that you’re passionate about.

This all begins with putting an end to you constantly putting others dreams before your own.

It doesn’t mean you’re neglecting them, it just means you’re also living life and prioritizing yourself too, like you deserve. Then start setting your goals, write them down if you need. In fact, writing them down makes them more tangible. It puts them in the front of your minds and eyes, motivates you to take action. Set your big goals, then break them down to smaller goals. Turn them into smaller, less daunting steps you can take each day, building up to your “final destination”. Ask yourself what you can do today that will lead you to your goals. Not everything in your life has to work up to it… But make sure that you add something everyday that will help you achieve your goals.

When you start dedicating your life to yourself and investing in your own dreams as well… You’re also taking proactive steps in putting yourself first. Going after what you want, making that decision to take what you deserve, and believing in your ability to do so… Is crucial when trying to build yourself up, and upgrading your life. If you want to put yourself first, you also have to put your own goals and dreams first. It doesn’t mean you’re putting yourself above others, or that you’re better than them. It just means that you’re taking advantage of your life, that you understand that everyone is worthy of a chance.

Take advantage of your singlehood to put yourself first and level up.

If you want to lead a happy, full life – and especially when you’re single, trying to embrace your singleness… You have to learn how to put yourself first, and understand that it’s not selfish. It’s also not something you should ever feel guilty about. Putting yourself first is a matter of loving yourself enough to not let anyone always put you last. It’s a matter of loving yourself enough to believe and know that you deserve to be at the top too. Putting yourself first is living your best life to the fullest. And what better time to do that, than when you’re single and have all the time and space to invest in yourself? 

“Find yourself first, like yourself first, love yourself FIRST, & friendship & love will naturally find YOU.”

– Mandy Hale

CLICK HERE to Sign up for my mailing list to receive my new Self-Care Bundle, including:

• Self-Care Checklist
• Self-Care Tracker
• 30 Days Self-Care Bingo

CLICK HERE to Sign up for my mailing list to receive an Embracing Singleness Self Reflection Journal, including:

• Every week you will receive a new page for your journal in regards to that week’s blog post.
• Each page will contain prompts to help you reflect on your process and progress, and improve.

Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
Michal B.L.

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