How to Enjoy Your Own Company

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These are the top methods to help you learn how to enjoy your own company and like yourself more

Ask yourself honestly – In your opinion, is it normal to not enjoy your own company? In other words, do you think it’s okay to not enjoy being alone, and is it a normality in your life? Or do you feel like you’re the odd one out? For most of us, past me included, it’s normal to avoid your own company and dislike it. It’s become so standard to not wanna spend any time alone, let alone like it – that it’s abnormal to actually enjoy your own company. You may even think others are weird for wanting to spend time with themselves. And you also likely have no idea how to enjoy your own company, no matter your status.

Often enjoying your own company is intertwined with LIKING yourself. Why would you wanna spend your time with someone you dislike? How could you ever enjoy their company, right? So inevitable, if you don’t enjoy your own company or like yourself enough, then you’ll also end up being lonely – no matter your status, or friendships. So instead of creating this negative vicious cycle between disliking yourself and not enjoying your own company… Turn it into a positive one, which will also give you double motivation; you wanna spend more time alone to learn how to like yourself, and you wanna like yourself more, so you’ll enjoy your own company.

How do you even do this? Let’s break it down…

Table of Contents

SHIFT Your Mindset about Your Own Company

Any process or change in your life begins with your mindset; your perceptions or beliefs towards something will directly impact it. So if you don’t enjoy your own company, it’s because you don’t perceive it as something you can enjoy and try to avoid it at all costs. As long as you don’t work on removing that block in your head, you won’t be able to learn how to enjoy your own company and like yourself. Whether you want or don’t want it to be true – whatever you believe, that’s what it’ll be. The more you work on this, the easier it will get, even if it may take some time. Here are some ways you can shift your mindset:

Nothing else to do → Choosing to do something alone

If you’re spending time alone it’s probably cause you have to. You don’t have any other choice, whether it’s regularly or a pointed occurrence. Perhaps everyone else is busy, or you have nothing better to do. Maybe it’s a result of not having enough friends, who to spend time with, or if you live alone. You also only choose to spend time by yourself when you have no other or better choice. Only as a last resort.

Instead, you want to actively make your own company a choice. Your choice, and not just something that’s out of your control or dictated by other people and their plans. When it’s something you decide to do, it’ll be more important to you and have more significance. And when you actively choose to spend time alone, you’ll also like it and yourself more. It also reframes your own company as something you have control over and can delicate whether it’s something you enjoy or not.

It’s a punishment → It’s a gift

When I was in the army, I did my basic training in the Wingate base (within the sports training institute). Our commanders couldn’t punish us with pushups or any other physical activity, as is common in basic training – because in Wingate, the mindset is that sport isn’t punishment. While it may be common to see your own company as punishment (because no one else wants to spend time with you, or you have no other choice and it’s a result of being a “bad/dislikeable” person) – you need to start seeing it as something to appreciate instead.

Just like Wingate is a Physical Education Institute and Sports is its pillar… You are the core of your world, you’re what makes you, YOU. So, seeing your own company as a gift should be a pillar for you. Reframe your alone time in your mind as an opportunity; to get to know yourself better, discover and try new things, learn how to like who you are, develop yourself and your skills, etc.

It makes me lame → It makes me empowered & confident

For as long as I remember, I was always the odd one out… Struggling to fit in anywhere I went, while my sisters did so seamlessly. They constantly had friends over, or were out and about with them, while I spent most of my time in my own world. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my little bubble and every moment I spent in it. But having such popular sisters, made me feel like I was doing something awfully wrong. If I stayed home instead of going out in the evenings or on weekends – whether it be for lack of invites or needing to be alone… It was because I was ‘faulty’; and everyone saw it too. Or at least so I felt.

It wasn’t until years later, when I started to embrace my singlehood, – that I also succeeded in reframing my mindset towards my own company. No matter how much I wanted and needed it, as much as I enjoyed it… It never felt like an active choice, and always made me feel lame. Being able to spend time by myself, without being dependent on anyone else started making me feel empowered. I could see just how codependent others were, and instead of being jealous of their popularity, I saw how pathetic it was to rely so much on your social status.

You need to see your own company, and being able to enjoy it, as the strength that it is. It gives you a powerful advantage over anyone who can’t stand their own presence. Being alone and doing things for and with yourself gives you more confidence, which also impacts other aspects of your life. You’re more able and capable of doing things without waiting around for others, and thus not missing out on things as much.

STOP Avoiding Yourself by…

Avoiding yourself and your own company directly impacts your mindset towards it. If you do all that you can to NOT spend time alone, you’re signalling to your mind and body that it’s negative. So every time you inevitably need to be by yourself, your body will feel uncomfortable and out of place. You’ll feel uncomfortable in your own skin. And your brain will only be able to think of it as something that isn’t good for you. When in reality, it’s the avoiding of your own company that’s making you feel bad about yourself and your presence.

The more you avoid yourself, the bigger it will feel and the harder it will be to deal with. You can’t ever learn how to enjoy your own company if all you ever do is everything you can to avoid it. Here are some ways you need to stop avoiding your own company by:

…Only spending time with others

You should and need to spend time with others. With people you love and care about… People who make you feel good. You shouldn’t, however, use other people and their company as a means to avoid yourself. Spending time with friends and family, and constantly being surrounded by people may give you the elusion of not feeling lonely… But as long as you’re still avoiding yourself, and worse – using others to do so, none of it will be real, and you’re only enhancing the issue. This taints not only your relationships with others, but also the one with yourself – or even causes the lack of it, and real relationships. Plus, you can’t possibly ALWAYS be with other people. This creates a feeling of dread that fills you when you need to be alone, or when people start to leave your presence.

… Distracting yourself

I’m not referring to things like going to work, spending time with your people (following the previous paragraph), your hobbies, etc. This is more about the things you do just so you don’t need to be alone. Or spend time with your thoughts. Things that are also generally known as a waste of time and/or unhealthy habits. Such as: scrolling through socials, watching TV, getting drunk or high, etc. It’s okay to need or want distractions sometimes, but it shouldn’t be your coping mechanism or your constant escape.

This will also exhaust you by constantly needing to find ways to distract yourself… But also make you miss out on life, and doing something real with yourself. Even if you’re doing something positive and productive, as long as it’s only a means to distract yourself from your own company… You’re just putting a plaster on the problem, and likely even making it a bigger issue than it has to be.

… Being “busy” & never having time

Constantly being busy is an “art” that I’ve perfected – not primarily to avoid my own company, but it certainly contributed. Often, if you’re doing this, you won’t even realise it nor will you see the connection between the two. I get a lot of variations of: “but I just don’t have time to learn how to enjoy my own company, because… LIFE!” from people I talk to about this. It’s usually just an excuse and a way to avoid coping with underlying issues (likely not only avoiding your presence).

You won’t ever have time if you don’t make it – and especially if you don’t make it a priority. It’s also possible that you are very aware of it, and even doing it purposefully. You’re knowingly filling up your time as much as you can, with things you can also easily use as a good excuse… And convincing yourself you’re just too busy and don’t have time to “work on yourself” right now.

… Labelling it as a ‘waste of time’

This is both a mindset and an avoidant tactic. In your mind, you see your alone time or your own company… And working on enjoying them, as a waste of your time or even a lost cause. So there’s no point in working on it, right? I could do better things with my time… It may seem logical, but it’s only a line of thought that helps you avoid dealing with the issues you have with yourself and your own company. No matter how much you convince yourself it makes sense; It’s only the truth you think you want, not the truth that will actually help you. But if it’s labelled as a waste of time, then it’s okay to avoid it, right? Wrong. This is just a mindset that frames it that way and helps you avoid dealing with it.

START Spending Time with Yourself by…

To shift your mindset, and stop avoiding your own company, you need to actually start spending time with yourself. You need to do things you love and enjoy, things that help you feel good – especially with yourself. When you do so, you’ll slowly learn that it’s not so bad after all. In fact, it can be quite great. And the more you spend time with yourself, the more you’ll enjoy your own company, and the better it will be. As your mindset shifts, you’ll even be able to be more creative in finding ways to spend time alone – as you’ll want it more. Here are some ways you can start spending time with yourself:

… Quiet moments with yourself

Part of the reason you avoid your own company so much… Is likely because you don’t wanna spend time with your daunting thoughts. For a long time, I had to always have something on in the background as white noise – music, Netflix, YouTube, etc. My own thoughts would get too loud, and I’d just panic. All this did, however, was make the voice in my head louder, and harder to avoid. Only when I started spending deliberate quiet time with myself, did the voice calm down and was even easier to cope with. It also helped me realise that it’s not as scary as I thought.

You can even start with just a few minutes at a time, without your phone or screens, just you. It can be indoors or outdoors, you can sit or walk. Don’t force yourself to think or not think of something in particular. Just clear your mind, and let it wander. With your morning/evening coffee, it can help you start your day with a clear mind, or clear it at the end of it. In general, this is also about making a habit of just being in a quiet space with yourself, without needing constant distractions.

… Resting & doing nothing – without feeling guilty

How many guilt trips have you put yourself through because you didn’t do enough? Because you gave yourself a break? Often I avoided spending time alone because I felt guilty about all the productive things I could be doing with this time. But I found that to learn how to enjoy my own company and like myself… I also need to learn how to rest by myself and feel calm in my presence. To find solace in it, and even make it a source of regaining energy and rejuvenation. More than that, if all you’re doing with yourself is active and tiering, it will exhaust you and probably even cause you to avoid this time even more. Just remember that there’s a thin line between time off to recharge and procrastinating.

… Having fun & enjoying your alone time

How could you ever learn how to enjoy your own company, if you don’t actually do anything you enjoy, alone? You’re probably avoiding your alone time and your own presence because it’s nothing but miserable. Or even if you do spend it wisely, as mentioned above, it won’t be complete, and likely exhaust you, if you don’t also add fun to the mix. Sometimes you just need to let go, be silly and do things for the sake of it – because it makes you feel good. Often you limit yourself by thinking it’s not possible to have fun alone, that you need more people around you for it. Perhaps that it’s even pathetic to have fun alone. When actually, it empowers you and makes you less dependent on others.

JUST DO IT

There are a million and one reasons not to start this process of learning how to enjoy your own company. There are even more excuses for not spending time alone. Things will always get in the way, and you won’t magically just get over it one day. If you keep waiting for the right time or the “secret method”, you’ll likely wait forever.

You use timing as an excuse, and it’s a convincing one, sure, but it’s also limiting you and holding you back. If you take your time getting into the cold pool, it’s gonna take longer to immerse yourself completely and overcome the cold. If you jump in at one, it’s quicker and you get used to the cold faster. So if you wanna do something, just do it now… Because the more you push it, the less likely it is to happen, and the blogger deal it becomes. Here are some ways to just spend time alone:

Don’t overcomplicate it

I used to snort at the slogan “Just do it” – yeah right, it’s not that simple. But now I know it is. it’s not easier said than done, you’re just over-complicating it in your head. You over-think it so much, that it feels like a bigger challenge than it is. And you no longer believe you can achieve it. You also don’t need to overcomplicate how you spend time alone – I found that I often find more joy in the small, simple things in life.

When you try to do too many elaborate things that take way too much effort, you’re more likely to give up – especially if you do so off the bat. Try to simplify things for yourself, and make it easy and accessible for you to spend time alone. Also, stop only seeking rushes or chasing peaks, it will overstimulate you, and it’ll be much harder to find satisfaction.

Make time for yourself

You’ll never magically find time for yourself in your busy schedule, it won’t happen if you don’t make it happen. There’s no need to overcomplicate it as I mentioned, just schedule it in first, or among the first things. Just like you find time for your loved ones… You can also find the time for you, even if it’s at the expense of something or someone else. This is your way of showing yourself that you’re worth it. There’s no such thing as “I have no time”, just “I don’t wanna or feel like it”. When you want something enough, you find the way. Even if it’s just 10 minutes as a start.

Do things you want to do

It will be near impossible to make time for yourself and find the motivation to do so, if you don’t do the things you want. Or if you only do them with other people. Just like you’d prefer to do a specific activity with a specific friend (over others)… Show yourself that sometimes you prefer to do things with YOU – because you want to and enjoy it. Make a list of things that interest you… Things you’ve always wanted to try, or things that you’re good at and enjoy doing. Pick something on that list, and start doing it with yourself regularly. This will motivate you to spend more time alone because it’s something you want and enjoy. And you’ll enjoy your own company because you’re doing something you look forward to.