These are the top 7 dating lessons to learn from The Tinder Swindler, for singles and anyone using any dating app.
If you have yet to watch The Tinder Swindler on Netflix, you should. Especially if you’re single and signed up to any dating app and going on dates with people you don’t know. Even if it doesn’t interest you, this is a wonderful opportunity to learn some crucial dating lessons that can likely save you a lot of time, money and energy… As well as prevent you from making mistakes and getting hurt. It will also help you identify red flags, to be more alert and aware of bad people and situations. Which you may have gotten yourself into otherwise.
While watching the movie and drawing my conclusions, I really was trying to not judge the women, because it really is hard to know what it’s like, and how we would respond in their shoes. He was clearly a master of manipulation and knew the art very well. Yet, I can’t help but think, if they had been more cautious, had they kept their eyes wide open… They would have seen the many, many red flags. This post is in no way me passing judgement on them, because they don’t deserve that. This post is me extracting the lessons we can learn from the mistake they made and from the whole situation. So you can learn from them and do better in your own dating journey.
1. Do a basic background check
We should all do some good old stalking on the person we’re infatuated with, especially if we met online. It may seem creepy, but as we saw on The Tinder Swindler, it can save you some heartache, pain and money. And I don’t mean just searching through the social media they created the way they want to be seen. I mean searching for their name in google, looking out for anything suspicious. If someone named Simon claims to be the son of the King of Diamonds, Lev Leviev… A simple (literally, it’s at the top of the search page) search of Lev Leviev will show you he doesn’t have a son named Simon.
While it may be annoying, and feel paranoid at times, it’s clearly very much needed. I know, I hate too that this is what the world has come to. That you need to be suspicious of everyone we date. But we shouldn’t let that prevent us from being cautious. You don’t even need to go too crazy over it, just take a few minutes to understand who this person really is. If he is who he claims to be. And even more so if he’s begging you for money.
2. Don’t get on a jet with a stranger
Remember when mama taught you to never talk to strangers? You should also never, ever get on a jet with them, no matter how tempting it may be. Hollywood movies put this bug in our heads. A fantasy to be whisked away by this rich, handsome man, who will make us feel like a princess. This only happens in movies. If you want to be whisked away on a jet, helicopter or even first class on a regular flight… Get to know the person first.
As tempting as it is to be spontaneous and go on an adventure, it’s not worth the rust. And let’s be honest, any sane and reasonable person wouldn’t just take you on their private jet after knowing you for less than an hour. Also, no one is worth leaving all your logic behind. Stop for a moment, think about it and only then act. If he disappears after you say no, then you know that he wasn’t worth it anyway. Anyone who’s worth your time, effort and affection, will not give up so easily.
3. Don’t get involved with someone who has enemies
If someone tells you they have enemies, run the other way. If it’s true, you just don’t want to have someone like that in your life. You never know when these enemies may come for you. Staying with such a person, is putting yourself in danger by default. And if it’s a lie, you don’t want to get involved with someone who would lie about such a thing, and who would lie to you at all. So you don’t need to know for sure to know you should be getting as far away from them as you can.
Someone who has enemies, should never be someone you want to associate yourself with. No matter how wonderful and charming they are. Because even if they are genuine and great people, they still have a very dark side to them. Which will only cause you harm and pain. Being with such a person will only make you paranoid and give you nightmares. It may even make you live in constant fear, always looking over your shoulder. Who wants to live like that? No one is worth suffering through such a life.
4. Don’t rush into anything
You should never rush into anything in general in life, but especially and specifically when you’re dating someone. Take your time to get to know the person, understand who they are and if they’re suited for you. Don’t be afraid to play the field, go on dates with a few people and don’t psych yourself up so much over one person. That’s what usually causes us to go crazy over people. Rushing things will only cause a hectic mess, and rarely ever ends well. When you jump into the deep end too quickly, you will drown no matter how well you can swim. Rome wasn’t built in a day is one of the most popular cliches for a reason.
Once you’re dating someone exclusively, continue to take your time with the relationship milestones you hit. You don’t want to get in over your head too fast, and end up so deep with no easy way out. If you move in with someone after a few short months, barely knowing them… It’s way too intense too fast, and is definitely a huge red flag. Again, any sane person won’t want to move so fast. If someone is pressuring you to move way too fast, it should signal all of your alerts and make you take a step back and reassess the situation.
5. Never ever give anyone money
I’m far from being a stingy person, but I’m also very careful with my money and who I give it to. I’m not talking about buying your friend something they can’t afford at the moment. Or lending a family member or friend some money. I’m talking about giving someone thousands of dollars, taking out loans for it. Unless it’s your mother or your sister (and even then I would be cautious), just say no. There’s no feeling bad about saying no when it will result in you going bankrupt.
If he were really Lev Leviev’s son, believe me, you’d be the last person he’d ask for money from. Even if he were, and he really did have the money to pay you back… You just don’t want to get yourself into this headache and mess. No one is worth it. Especially since it’s probably a never ending pattern. And even more so when it’s someone you only know for a month or two. A good friend and someone who cares and loves you would never force you to give them money. They certainly wouldn’t ask you to take out loans. And if they do, cut them off because they’re just trouble. And you don’t need people like that in your life.
6. If he’s completely freaking out, it’s likely true
Once you find out the truth, but you’re still having doubts, watch his reactions to it carefully. His reaction is usually a dead giveaway. Anyone, especially wealthy and known people, can be subject to lies and rumours. So if you want to give them the benefit of the doubt and a chance to prove otherwise… Make sure you don’t believe them blindly, and don’t let your feelings for them get in the way of the truth. This is the time to be brutal and let go of any denial. Usually, if the rumours are true, he’s probably freaking out and going all crazy. Turning into a monster you will no longer recognise. I can’t say this as a rule, but as we saw on The Tinder Swindler, the guilty act guilty.
Their reactions are also testament to the type of person they are. So even if they’re not guilty, but they freak the sh*t out and start lashing out, taking it out on you… Then this is your big bold sign to run the other way. If someone goes all crazy over this, especially if it’s just rumours, it just proves they have a dangerous and eccentric personality. They may freak out about this today, but tomorrow it may be something much scarier. It could also become physical. Even if not, I don’t know about you… But I want someone who I know can keep his cool, and will be good in stressful situations.
7. Be cautious, and protect yourself
It’s sad that this is the world we live in, and this is what dating has come to. But alas, it is what it is and we need to do whatever we can to protect ourselves. It doesn’t mean you need to drive yourself insane and go all crazy… It just means you need to be cautious, take one step at a time and think before each one. No need to overly obsess over every single tiny decision. You just need to know your worth and stand your ground, be smart and take care of yourself.
Don’t let anyone tell you you’re worth less than you are, and don’t allow anyone to control you.
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