Why You’re Still Lonely as a Single — And How to Change That

Discover the real reasons behind your loneliness in singlehood — and learn how to build meaningful connections without needing a relationship.

One of the most frequent responses I get is something along the lines of: “Your singlehood’s great, but it’s not the same for me. Why am I so lonely single?” and one of the most common questions I get is: “How to deal with loneliness as a single person?” — So, if you’re also asking yourself “Why You’re Still Lonely as a Single — And How to Change That?” This post is for you.

I get it, one of my biggest messages in my content is: You’re single, and you’re supposed to be ‘living your best life’. So if you’re not, it’s difficult not to think: “What’s wrong with me that I feel so empty?”

While I ended up LOVING my singleness, it wasn’t like that from the start. Nor did it magically happen. There were many nights that I cried myself to sleep, wondering, ‘Why me? Loneliness in singlehood is real, and it’s not just about missing a partner.

But what if your singleness isn’t the real problem… What if the way you’re navigating it is?

The Hidden Truth Behind Loneliness in Singlehood

It’s not just about not having a partner

Have you been trying to fix loneliness by changing your relationship status — instead of changing your relationship with yourself? Normally, when I ask this, I either get a snort (because it’s so ridiculous to have a self-relationship, right?). Or a frown, because why would you work on the relationship status you don’t want? You may be trying to escape your self-connection – but it’s the one you need most.

• Why people assume loneliness = singleness – one of the most common (and annoying) misconceptions is that singleness is synonymous with loneliness. Spoiler: it isn’t. It’s part of it, yes, but it’s also part of life and every status. Just because you’re alone doesn’t automatically mean you also must be lonely. And people just assume this because being in a relationship has become a norm…
  
• The difference between being alone and feeling lonely – There’s a long-running stigma that singles are inherently lonely because they don’t have a partner. Yes, you don’t have one, but it’s not the only type of connection. Nor should it ever be the only one. You can be just as lonely in a relationship, if not more. Lonely isn’t when you don’t have +1; it’s when you don’t have real, meaningful connections with yourself and others.
  
• How society romanticises relationships and makes singles feel “less than” – Is it any wonder there are so many misconceptions about singlehood/singles, when relationships are so glorified in every single way? But being single isn’t worth less. If anything, it’s worth MORE. As it’s the most precious time to work on yourself and meaningful relationships. Thriving in solitude means you can thrive in any status (as an individual).

Top Reasons You’re Still Lonely (Even if You’re doing “all the right things”)

You’re trying to solve the wrong problem

There’s no one right answer for everything. Nor is there a list of right or wrong things that are true for everyone. If you’re constantly wondering, “Why am I so lonely single?”. And want to understand how to deal with loneliness as a single person… You need to understand YOUR OWN loneliness in singlehood. Which will also help you develop more meaningful relationships and a stronger self-connection.

• You’re comparing your life to everyone else’s highlights – The grass isn’t greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it. So whether your neighbour’s grass is genuinely green, or just maintained for appearances… It’s got nothing to do with you. It will only make you more miserable, and neglect your own even more.
  
• You avoid being alone instead of learning how to enjoy it – No matter how hard you try, you can’t avoid yourself. It will just exhaust you. The more you waste energy on this, the more it will scare you. Which only makes you lonelier, because just the thought of hating your own presence is hard on its own. You also can’t always be surrounded or distracted. Just the need for it is making you lonelier. So why not enjoy it instead?
  
• You fear vulnerability and avoid meaningful connection – I get it, it’s hard to open up, but it’s even harder to cope with everything alone. So if you don’t create a strong support system, you’ll just feel lonelier. Because you’re just trying to bear it all by yourself. No amount of connections will satisfy you if they’re shallow. Especially in a technological world, where we get too stuck on screens. 

So… How Do You Actually Stop Feeling Lonely?

Shift your focus from “finding someone” to building connection

Overcoming loneliness in your 30s is a key part of learning how to be happy single, and vice versa. In my ebook “The Power of Connections: A Comprehensive Guide to Overcoming Loneliness & Thriving in Singlehood”, I introduce the 3 foundational types of connections that can help you cope with loneliness in singlehood and start thriving in solitude. Here’s a peek into these three types of meaningful relationships:

1. Connection with Yourself – Many people believe that being single is what makes them lonely. But loneliness often stems from a lack of connection with oneself—not a lack of a partner. A relationship won’t fix your loneliness if you haven’t built a strong, fulfilling relationship with yourself. True connection starts within, through intentional alone time, self-awareness, and finding a healthy balance between stillness and substance.
   
2. Connection with Others – Many people feel lonely even in a room full of others because they prioritise quantity over quality—surrounding themselves with people but lacking real, meaningful connections. True connection goes beyond surface-level interactions; it’s mutual, intentional, and requires effort, empathy, and genuine care. Real connection isn’t about filling a void—it’s about creating authentic bonds that offer support, understanding, and belonging.
   
3. Connection with the World Around You – Life is about more than just romantic relationships — it’s about creating a world that reflects who you truly are. When you live on autopilot, disconnected from purpose, it’s easy to feel lost and lonely. True fulfilment comes from finding where you belong, living intentionally, and building a life that aligns with your values, passions, and sense of self.

Here’s an exclusive tip to help you get started

Start a “check-in” journal – And ask yourself this:

• What emotion am I feeling right now, and what might be triggering it?
• When was the last time I truly felt connected — to myself, to someone else, or to the world around me?
• Am I seeking connection or avoiding loneliness — and what’s the difference for me?
• What do I wish someone would ask me right now?
• What do I need today to feel a little more grounded and seen?

This will help you understand what you’re feeling and the root of it. It will make it easier to notice emotional needs instead of ignoring them, and then keep track of them. As you read the ebook, you can use the journal for the exercises and prompts, as well as writing thoughts that come up.

What this requires: Make time! Schedule dedicated, uninterrupted time. Don’t just do it when you feel like it, or when time frees up. Otherwise, it won’t happen. Then, go to a spot where you feel cosy and calm. Without pressure or judgment, just release what you feel onto the page.

Want to Go Deeper? Here’s Your Next Step

You don’t need another dating app. You need a roadmap to connection.

If you’re starting to see that your loneliness isn’t just about being single—but about missing real connection—The Power of Connections is for you.

This 62-page ebook (which was recently updated and re-launched) helps you move beyond surface-level fixes and into deep, meaningful connections—with yourself, others, and the world around you.

Inside, you’ll get:

🟣 The 3 essential connections every single person needs
🟣 12 methods to build them
🟣 120 actionable steps to make it real

If you’re tired of feeling stuck and disconnected, this guide will show you how to stop avoiding yourself and start thriving in your singlehood.

You don’t have to feel this way forever. The Power of Connections will guide you toward meaningful self-growth and deeper connections — no partner required.

What if your loneliness isn’t about your relationship status—but about the connection you’ve been missing with yourself?

For more on connections and loneliness, in more depth, check out my new ebook: The Power of Connections: A Comprehensive Guide to Overcoming Loneliness & Thriving in Singlehood

Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
Michal B.L.

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