These are the top 10 resolutions for when you’re 30 & single, as well as the best ways to cope with it, and reasons why being single in your 30’s is a gift.
‘30 is the new 20’ has become a cliche for good reason – it’s true. And while once I thought that it is just the beginning of the end, I’ve been learning in recent years that it is way beyond that. And if you want to get technical… Most of our lives are spent over the age of 30, so we may as well embrace it and make the most of it. So as part of my own journey and path, I’ve decided to make a list of goals for my 30’s… Then share it with you in hopes that it inspires you as well. And also, I believe that when you write something down (and especially if you share / publish it), it makes you commit and chase it.
But before we get to that list of the top 10 resolutions for when you’re 30 & single…
First, shift your mindset about your 30’s
I bet when you were a teen, or even when you were in your 20’s, you looked at 30 years old as old people. But the truth is, once you reach that milestone… You very quickly learn that it’s not that old, it’s not old at all. You still have so much things and time ahead of me. In fact, in average, it’s less than half of your lifespan. I once thought that by this time, I’ll already be married with kids, or at least in a serious, long-term relationship. But I’m neither, and believe it or not, my life is still full and good, and I’m still happy. Not to mention, that life isn’t just about being in a relationship, it has so much more than that to offer. Your 30’s isn’t the end of your life, it’s just the beginning.
Now, it’s time to look away from those teens and 20 year olds who think they’re so much better than you because you’re older… But who really have nothing figured out yet in their life. And start focusing on the BEST decade in your life. Now that the invisible screen has been lifted. You can start seeing things more clearly now, and focus on the real important things in life. Not who said what about whom and when. Not on the drama you used to thrive on. And definitely not on doing stupid things, just because you’re bored or you want to fit in and seem cool. Your 30’s are when you can see yourself and what you want from your life most clearly.
Second, stop listening to how everyone else thinks you should live your life
Society depicts a particular, correct path, where you need to follow specific rules and guidelines. If you don’t study a “normal” subject… That will be financially beneficial, and if you don’t find yourself a husband and start having kids by a certain age… Then you’ve gone astray, then something is very wrong with you. But I refuse to accept that, or believe it, because it couldn’t be further from the truth. People tell me that I need to start my own family, that my clock is ticking. As if I can just go out, click my fingers and the perfect man will appear. But husbands and wives don’t just fall out of the sky… And I will not take that huge step with just anyone, just for the sake of having a partner and kids.
I chose to study creative writing and literature, and that earns me many raised eyebrows and confused looks, questions like:. “What are you going to do with that?” Or… “But how are you going to make money?” . And they infuriate me, because beside the fact that not everything revolves around money… We should all be studying something we love, that we truly believe in, our passion. I don’t want to wake up everyday and force myself to go to a job I hate and suffer from.
Third, it’s never too late, and you’re never too old
We live on average about 80 years, and no one can do the same thing for 40-50 years… Especially these days when the attention span is 30 seconds. And I believe that it is never too late to change your profession, study something new and take a different path. Just because you’ve turned 30, and you’re not yet married… Doesn’t mean you’re behind in life. Life has so much to offer, so why shouldn’t we take advantage of it? I’ve seen too many people getting bored and jaded from their nine to five jobs… From their meager life, lacking excitement and passion, something worth getting up in the morning for.
Marrying just for the sake of it, and for the sake of not being alone forever, isn’t a good enough reason. There’s never a good reason to settle. It’s better to wait for the right person for you, even if it takes you a while. Patience is rewarded, and if you take your time, it will be so much better than you ever imagined. I used to think that getting married past your mid-30’s is sad and pathetic.
Now I see that there’s nothing wrong with it, it’s better than never and it’s even better than settling. Marriage out of fear of being alone is the real pathetic move. While I do have a fear of loneliness, and I do want to find someone to grow old with… I still feel like I have time. Because even though I’m scared of being alone for the rest of my life… Spending 40-50 years with the same person scares me even more.
Focus on what you can control
Sadly, we cannot control if and when we find the right person for us… But we can choose to wallow over it, or take advantage of our status quo. Instead of driving ourselves crazy over what we don’t have, we can thrive on what we do have in our lives. Focus on what we can control and what we can utilise to our advantage.
Here are a few ways you can take advantage of your single life in your 30’s and resolutions you can set for yourself to make the most of it:
Top 10 Resolutions for When You’re 30 & Single:
1. Make a dream come true – publish a novel!
Whether it’s publishing a novel, creating a product, selling your merch/ art/ creations. Or any other big dream you may have. This will not only give you something else to focus your time and energy on. It will also help you ben and feel accomplished. It will add more substance in your life, and provide you with a good enough reason to get up in the morning. Why you’re life IS worth living.
Ever since I was a young girl, I always wanted to publish novels, and when I turned 30, and was still single… I set my eyes on publishing a novel as the perfect goal for me. This is something I’m still working on, but just having this to work on, gives me the drive I need for my single life. It gives me purpose and meaning, and it reminds me that my life is more than just my relationship status.
2. Grow your audience – create a successful blog!
Whether it’s your blog, Instagram, TikTok, or any other current platform you have. Not only to feel popular or good about yourself, but also (and mainly) to share yourself and knowledge with the world. We all have something we’re good at, something wqe can assist others with. Find your niche and start lifting others up, and in the process it will also lift you up even higher. When I turned thirty and was single AF… I started my own blog and IG account where I share my own experiences and challenges, in hopes of inspiring and helping others… To share the awkward, scary and strange moments that people don’t dare to. Because it is important to spread those messages, to not be ashamed.
3. Find your hobbies – travel drawing / witing!
Whether it’s drawing, writing, DIY projects, gardening, cooking / baking… Or find some extra hobby you can turn into a business, side-hustle or contribute to your current occupation. I’ve always enjoyed art in all its forms, and drawing has been one of my first hobbies which grew more and more with time. The best way, in my opinion, to commemorate travel or significant moments int your life… Is by writing and drawing it. So I like choosing small, special moments from my trips and life to turn into drawings or texts. This doesn’t have to turn into a career, in fact, it’s even important to have a hobby on the side that doesn’t feel like a job to you. That can just add some extra substance, while helping you disconnect from everything, and connect with yourself.
4. Learn something new – improve my Spanish!
Wether it’s learning a new instrument, skill, language, art form or any other hobby you’ve been dreaming to learn for a long time. This is something you can do both for your passion / / career or just for fun, and for your soul – which is probably what makes it an important one. As short as it may feel at times, life is long and it can get boring without learning and trying new things, so I encourage you all to always find new things to keep your life vibrant. Keep your brain working and developing, you need to challenge it. You need to stimulate your mind, just like you do any other muscle in your body.
5. Educate yourself – learn to be a life coach!
Whether it’s earning a degree or diploma, or just expanding your current knowledge span. There’s always something new to learn, and you can always broaden your horizons, open up your mind and sould to new things and subjects. Studying, whether it’s just for fun, or for advancing in your career… Give you more things to focus your time and mind on, it helps you feel more educated, smarter. It even provides you with more topics for conversations with other people. And it helps you feel better about yourself and who you are, because you don’t feel like you’re lacking in knowledge, or less smarter than people around you.
6. Complete a physical milestone
Whether it’s running a marathon, climbing the Everest, reaching a specific goal. (Like losing an X amount of kilos, improve flexibility / cardio, etc.). Or any other milestone you’ve been dreaming of. This isn’t only a great way to take care of your body and stay in good shape, but also improves your overall mood as well as quality of life. It also provides you with another great goal you can focus your time and attention on, and helps you fill up your time.
7. Live in another city or country – live in London for a while!
Whether it’s London, Paris, New York, Freiburg or any other place in the world you’ve always fantasized about living in. You can experience more in life by getting out of your comfort zone, or the only places that you’ve known your whole life. Whether it’s for a few months or years, I believe we should all experience something different, and different places. Not only to discover and see more, but also to learn more about the world and ourselves. What better time to do so than when you have the freedom of singlehood, combined with the independence of your 30’s?
8. Explore and go on adventures
Speaking of freedom and independence, this is also the best time to take advantage of them to get out of your comfort zone and experience new things. You can travel the world, go on hiking trails, volunteer somewhere across the world, or anything else your heart desires. For me, as long as I can travel, I ain’t complaining. Travel is a huge known key for happy life. If it was not obvious, my biggest dream is to travel, discover new places and cultures. And I plan to continue fulfilling this dream and marking off my list all the many destinations I would like to visit.
9. Tick things off your bucket list
There’s no right age to create a list or start ticking things off it, you just have to do it when you can and when it’s right for you. And what better time than in your single life, when you don’t have as many distractions (like husbands, wives and kids) to keep you from getting ticking. It can be small, easy and simple things life riding a horse / camel, reading all of X’s books, trying something new, etc. It can also be bigger, more extravagant things like jumping off a plane, visit all the seven wonders of the world, or being at two places at once.
10. Find a romantic relationship
In the right place, at the right time, and when you find that person worth giving up singlehood for. As much as I loved being single, my independence, my own space and freedom, I don’t want to be alone forever. It’s nice to find someone to travel with, with the same curiosity, hunger for life and new adventures and discoveries. Finding a relationship and dating shouldn’t be your whole life, but you also shouldn’t eliminate it completely if it’s something you want.
There’s nothing wrong with it if it’s in the right doses for you and you don’t lose or drive yourself crazy over it. I recently found the right person for me, and I believe that it’s thanks to the fact that I took my time to work on my self-relationship first. Because I didn’t centre a romantic relationship in my life, or put it (and people) on a pedestal.
In conclusion – Just go for it
So as intimidating as the number thirty is, and as scary as this new path is… I know you can do it, and once you start taking these steps, you’ll start knowing it too. You’ll be filled with the same determination I had to make the most of every moment… And concur all the mountaintops you wish to reach. I know it won’t be easy, obstacles are an inseparable part of life… And that’s okay, because it makes our accomplishments that much more satisfying. So bring it on thirties, and give it all you’ve got… Because I plan to put up the best fight and win, and so should you.
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