These are the top three types of connections you need, and the 12 methods to develop them, to help you overcome loneliness when you’re single, and thrive in your singlehood.
Singleness has become synonymous with loneliness. Perhaps it’s prejudices and misconceptions, along with society’s immense pressure to not be single, to get married and have kids, that is the biggest and main generator of the fear of being single and lonely. Because in reality, while there is a connection, loneliness has little to do with being single. If you don’t know how to overcome loneliness when you’re single, if you’re constantly wondering “Why do I feel lonely when single?” or “why am I so unhappy single?” It means you’re not filling your life properly. You never focus on how to enjoy being alone single. Not learning how to enjoy your own company and take advantage of all the opportunities singlehood offers.
What is the main cause of loneliness? Not your singleness. If you don’t do something about it, no matter your relationship status, you will be lonely. Singles aren’t lonelier, they’re just lonely alone. People in relationships are just as lonely, they’re just lonely together. What it boils down to is connections, and learning how do you build great connections. You need to develop REAL connections: A connection with yourself, and with the people around you. As well as the connection you have to the world around you, and what you do with it all.
In this blog post, I will share with you the three types of connections you need to create in your life, and the 12 methods to develop them. Which will help you overcome loneliness when you’re single. If you’re still struggling and confused, and need more help… Make sure to check out my new ebook: The Power of Connections: A Comprehensive Guide to Overcoming Loneliness & Thriving in Singlehood
Create a connection with yourself
The biggest, most common misconception is that being single is lonely. That when you find a romantic relationship, you magically won’t be lonely anymore. A relationship won’t fix all of your problems, and it won’t make you feel any less lonely when you inevitably have to spend time by yourself. If you’re lonely alone you’ll be lonely in a relationship. The difference is that you’ll just have someone to be lonely with. Which may sound nice at first, but in reality will only make you feel even lonelier. And if you don’t take the time to not be lonely in your own company and with yourself… You’re just masking it with a relationship. Which will likely crumble under the weight. Being single doesn’t make you lonely, not spending quality alone time, not having a proper connection with yourself is what makes you lonely. Especially when you’re living alone.
The connection you have with yourself is going to be the base for all other connections in your life. If you want to have good, real and healthy relationships with others and with your world, you first need to have one with yourself. Here are a few ways to do so, that will help you overcome loneliness when you’re single:
1. Self-care & pampering
This can very easily turn into a vicious circle of sorts. You don’t like yourself very much, so you don’t take care of yourself as much as you should. And because you don’t take care of yourself enough, you don’t like yourself even more. Neglecting yourself and your self-care will only make you feel worse, and you can’t care for anyone if you don’t care for yourself first.
2. Actively practising self-love
You don’t need to love yourself to be loved, often when others love us it actually helps us love ourselves better. But, it will be harder to accept and believe their love for you, if you don’t love yourself first. Your self-love is also a showcase to others on how to love you properly. If you don’t love yourself the way you deserve to be loved, they’re less likely to, too. And you’re also more likely to accept mediocre love, and settle for less than you deserve.
3. Find, Develop & Maintain Your Hobbies & Interests
Our hobbies usually provides us with an opportunity to shut off our brains, relax and regain energy to continue being productive. Further, they allow us to connect with ourselves by doing things we love, just because we want to and enjoy them. It’s the best way to spend quality alone time because it helps us feel good and calm in our own presence.
4. Living a healthy lifestyle
Living a healthy lifestyle as a whole is important to not only develop and maintain a self-connection. If you’re body isn’t taken care of, it lowers the quality of your life. Living a healthy lifestyle, is crucial for your overall happiness and contentment in your life. You’re not only taking care of your body and strengthening it… You’re also feeling better about yourself, more resilient.
Create connections with others
You know that cliche of someone sitting in a room full of people, and still feeling so alone and lonely? The reason why so many people feel this way, is because they prioratise popularity. They prioritise quantity over quality, and don’t actually have any real connections with anyone in the room. No matter how many people you surround yourself with… If you don’t have a strong, deep and healthy connection with them, they won’t make you feel any less lonely. This doesn’t mean you have to have deep connections with everyone in your life… it just means you shouldn’t have only relationships without any real connection. It also mean, you shouldn’t be too overly focused just on yourself.
Your singlehood is the perfect opportunity to start developing, nurturing and maintaining your friendships and platonic relationships. Learn how you make a connection with someone, how do you build a deep connection, and what creates a strong connection. As well as create a strong, dependable support system for yourself. Here are a few ways to do so, that will help you overcome loneliness when you’re single:
5. Connect better with your current friends
Try to find within the pool of friends you already have, someone you can create a better, deeper connection with. Shre with them what you really feel and going through, both the good and the bad. And be there for them when they need you, listen to what they’re going through and show interest in them and their life. Try to also spend quality time with them, doing things you both love and enjoy and that helps you bond more.
6. Reconnect with old friends
You can look back to friendships you once had and faded away for whatever reason. Make sure to remember why you’re no longer friends, so you don’t overlook a serious issue you had and can easily resurface. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to rekindle the spark you once had with someone. You can scroll through your contacts and initiate a call, comment on their socials or send them a message if you feel a bit awkward to get started.
7. Make new friends
This is probably the hardest option, especially as we get older, and we’re not as fearless as we were when we were kids. But, it’s also a great opportunity to start a new page with someone new. You can find cool events online to go to where you can meet people. Or you can join some local Facebook groups. And you can also be more involved in your community, with your neighbours or at your local church, synagogue, etc.
8. Spend more time with your family
Perhaps you don’t even have to go too far. Perhaps, the people who can be the best friends for you, have been under your nose your whole life. Who said that your siblings or cousines can’t be your friends? What does it matter if they’re blood related, if they provide you with an amazing social life? And with family, often it’s less awkward to reach out after a long time of not speaking. It’s also likely easier to find a good excuse to do so.
Create Connections with the world Around You
There’s so much more to life and living than just relationships in general, and romantic ones specifically. Life has more to offer and you have to find what it is that you want from it, to help you fill your own life with. If you’re just living life moving your body from point A to point B and back, are you really living? If you’re just living on automatic, going from one place to another, without lifting your head and looking around you. Or if you’re just going to the same places, without thought or purpose. Doing things without substance, or without a strong ‘why’ behind it, won’t get you anywhere. And it will only make you feel disconnected from your own life, yourself, as well as everyone and everything around you.
Your singlehood is also a wonderful opportunity to discover more things that life has to offer. To start living a full filfiling life, one that will help you feel like you’re actually living your life. And also, not dependent solely on relationships to lift you up and make you happy. Here are a few ways to do so, that will help you overcome loneliness when you’re single:
9. Work on your career & passions
Often, when we’re single our career, side hustle or products that we create are our babies. They fill up the majority of our time and take up most of our energy. This can either wear us down, or give us strength and power. If you don’t feel connected to what you’re doing with your life, and especially your work, then you’ll feel like you’re wasting it away. Your passion is your baby, and just like a real one, it has to come from deep within you.
10. Explore & go on adventures
There’s so much more than your small buble to do and see. And it requires you to get out of your comfort zone to do so. We feel disconnected from the world, because we don’t ever leave and go explore more. We can’t expand our horizons, knowledge and views if we don’t actually go out and do it. If we don’t take leaps of faith, and do things despite the fear holding us back. Fear will always be present and we’ll never feel ready. We just need to do it.
11. Learn & try new things
One of the most important traits/habits you could have is to be curious. Don’t do things just because you’re supposed to or told to do. Don’t let things just pass you by or go over your head. If you encounter things you don’t understand, look it up and learn about it. Expand your horizons and general knowledge. This will also provide you with new things and topics to talk about with others. It will help you develop your own opinions and stands.
12. Be active in your community
A community is another space in your world where you can feel like your giving and doing something. Where you have an active role and purpose, as well as relationships with other people. This can be a community within your religion (or your religion within the community), with your neighbours, or with people who you have a common interest with, etc. This can also be taking part in events that you feel passionate about. Or lending your voice to matters that you care for and have what to add to.
In conclusion – it isn’t our relationship status that dictates our loneliness
What is the main cause of loneliness? well, it isn’t your relationship status, no matter how much you try to blame it. The main cause of loneliness is not having any real connections in your life. If you’re not living a fulfilling life, creating connections and making something of yourself, no relationship will help you battle your loneliness. So if you want to stop wondering all the time: “Why do I feel lonely when single?” or “Why am I so unhappy single?” If you want to learn how to overcome loneliness when you’re single, you need to first learn how to create real connections. How do I stop feeling so lonely? You need to stop blaming your singleness and start being proactive in your life.
Also, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re not lonely. More often than not, people in the wrong relationships are so much lonelier, because there’s nothing quite as lonely as being in a relationship that doesn’t fulfil you, that doesn’t give you what you need, or with someone who doesn’t care enough. And mostly, because we usually tend to focus and give most of our attention to that one romantic relationship, thus neglecting others and ourselves. Meaning, we only have one relationship we can depend on, if at all, and that’s a bigger source of loneliness than singleness can ever be.
For more on connections and loneliness, in more depth, check out my new ebook: The Power of Connections: A Comprehensive Guide to Overcoming Loneliness & Thriving in Singlehood
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