How To Stop Chasing Toxic People – 10 steps that can help you stop chasing toxic people that don’t treat you right.
Most of us have fallen victims to this mistake, I know I have done so at least once or twice, if not more. It’s so much worse when it’s someone toxic, who either has a bad influence on you, treats you bad or makes you lose sight of yourself as you obsess over them. However, it can also be someone who isn’t necessarily toxic, but just isn’t particularly good for you either. Could be you’re even bad for each other. Could be it’s someone with good intentions, but is quite oblivious and doesn’t realize that they’re making you chase.
In my previous blog post about chasing toxic people, I wrote about a guy I was “dating” and how completely broken I was by the time I got rid of him. But as painful and as difficult as it was, I learnt many great life lessons from the whole thing, and most importantly. – I learned my worth and how to never ever settle or chase anyone ever again. Whether it be platonic or romantic, you should never chase anyone, no matter who they are. Especially if they make you feel bad about yourself, and worse – make you feel insane and lost.
Making it through it, then growing stronger after – was a difficult journey, but one filled with many valuable life lessons. I would like to share with you these 10 steps I took to help me stop chasing, and get over the person I was chasing after.
1. Focus on their negative attributes and habits
I’ve written about this briefly in my previous blog post about chasing toxic people, and I cannot stress enough how important this is. Make a list, write it down if you need, and just focus on all their negative aspects. Everyone has them, and believe me no matter how “perfect” you think they are, or how infatuated you are by them… You can always find something that bothers you in them. Something you find disgusting, annoying or rude.
Whether it be the way they talk to you or others, the way they eat, the clothes they wear, their ego, sleeping habits or any other ticks they may have. You can also come up with a physical issue that bothers you, something in their appearance perhaps. Think up a few of those and just focus on them. Whenever you find your mind wandering to them, just force yourself to fixate on his ugly side instead. Believe me, with time it will definitely turn you off them.
You can also check out the downloadable turn off list and template I made.
2. Delete them from everywhere
If you want to delete someone from your life, and have a better chance at stopping to chase and forgetting them… Then you need to delete them from every place you can. Whether it be Instagram, Facebook, Tiktok or any other social media you have them on – this is so super important. Because that way they will be less in your face, their pictures won’t show up anymore as a constant reminder.
Also, delete their phone number from your phone (and memory) so you can’t get tempted to call or text them. If you have any of their siblings, parents or even grandparents on your phone or social media – delete them as well. They will only serve as a reminder, and we don’t want that.
3. Stay away from places you know they frequent
If you want to get over someone, get them out of your head and stop chasing, you need to stop seeing them on a regular basis. And if you want to stop seeing them, you need to stop hanging out at places you know they’ll be. Whether it be pubs, bars, clubs, cafe’s, restaurants, shops or any place else… If it’s somewhere you know they tend to frequent, then make sure to find other places for yourself. Or at least avoid them on the days and times you know they’ll be there. That way you’ll see them less and it will be so much easier to move on from them.
Be careful not to obsess over this, because it’s a thin line between healthy boundaries, and an unhealthy craze. If you see them once in a while, it’s not the end of the world. The point is not to go somewhere they frequent if you have other, maybe even better, alternatives. Also, you don’t want to see them on a regular basis, so if you happen to see him once or twice, don’t make it a huge deal.
4. Remove anything that reminds you of them from your life
In addition to removing certain locations from your list, try to also remove any item that reminds you of them as well. Odds are, they’re contaminated by their toxins, and might influence your mood and feelings. Again, you don’t want to obsessively throw away everything you own. But you should get rid of anything that stirs up bad feelings. Like gifts they gave you, clothes you borrowed from them, or anything else that belongs to them and ended up with you. These things usually hold no value, and only serve as a bitter reminder of them and your time together.
5. Personal development – self love, worth & care
This is something I preach about in every single one of my blog posts. I do so, because personally development is key to leading a happier, better single life. If you work on loving yourself more, by caring for yourself more, your self worth will be higher and you’ll no longer put up with sh*t you don’t deserve. You will be stronger, more independent and won’t chase anyone, ever again. Or let someone make you feel bad about yourself.
Odd’s are, you’ll also learn how to be single and happy, and when you’re happy with your singleness… You’re less likely to chase. Not to mention, that you’ll be a better version of yourself. And that means, you’ll have so much more to offer to the world. we‘ll have more of a chance to inspire, make an impact and a difference in someone else’s life.
6. Dating yourself
The best way to self love and care, is to focus on developing and maintaining a relationship with yourself. It’s by working on growing comfortable in your own company, in your own presence. And that can only be achieved by actually spending time with yourself. Or in other words – dating yourself. Start spending more time in your own company, and make sure that it’s valuable. Create for yourself dates that will help you spend some quality time with yourself. Whether it be at home or out and about, make sure that you put in the effort and time. And whatever you do, please don’t ever ‘get under another’ to get over them.
7. Redirect your energy, focus on your hobbies and adopt new ones as well
Instead of focusing your energy on chasing and obsessing over the wrong, toxic people… Try to spend your time doing things that really matter, that elevate your energy and spirits, not bring you down. One of the best ways to do that, is by focusing on your hobbies and things that you’re good at. Personally, I believe we should all have at least one artistic hobby. Because art, in all its forms, is very therapeutic. Focusing your time and energy on your hobbies is fun, energizing and productive. And definitely a healthier way to spend your time.
8. Hang out more with your close friends
First of all, try to find a friend that you can call or text every time you even think of calling or texting the person you chased. They can help you forget, give you the support you need, and also prevent you from actually sending that text or making that call. Also, make sure to develop and maintain your best friendships, put in the effort to grow them (as long as it’s both ways, and has a good influence). Go out, have fun and join different activities, and talk to them instead of the person you were chasing.
9. Keep a full and productive schedule
Have you ever been so busy that a whole day goes by and only at the end of it you go, “oh hey, I completely forgot about that”? Usually, when our schedule is filled with activities and things we enjoy, that keep us busy… We have less time to think about them. First of all, if you’re doing productive things, you’re more likely to be happier and feel better about yourself. You’ll probably feel good enough not to need or want them, let alone think about them. Second of all, you won’t have the time and will likely forget about them naturally, more and more, as the time passes. So try and build yourself a nice schedule, with diverse and productive activities.
10. If possible – take a trip somewhere and disconnect
I mean, when is a trip not a good idea? I love to travel, and I love nature and I believe that it’s the best form of therapy (along with any art form). It doesn’t have to be too intricate, complicated or expensive. It can be as simple as just driving an hour away to a remote B&B by a lake, beach or in a forest. Whatever is closest to you and is within your means. Personally, I also love a good hike, maybe even sleep out in nature. You can go with a group of friends that you feel good and comfortable with – just make sure to also spend some alone time. If you can, try to do something by yourself, it will give you a great opportunity to really disconnect and start working on yourself and your self-relationship.
If you find yourself constantly putting in most of the effort, on a regular basis – you’re the one initiating calls, messages and meet-ups… Then you need to take a step back and put a stop to it. You might need to force yourself at first, but it will get easier with time. The key is to just keep pushing through, keep moving forward through the hurdles. You need a large amount of perseverance and persistence, and most importantly – you need patience, and you need to believe in yourself. In the end, not only will you get over them and stop chasing, but you’ll also be so much stronger and more independent. To the point where you’ll never be able to give up any power to anyone ever again.
Stop Chasing people. Focus on your goals and building your life. The right people will eventually find their way to you.Unknown
Keep chasing no one
Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
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