These are the top 5 ways to help you reap the benefits of single life, and maximize the perks.
In this blog post:
- 1. Taking control of your own life
- 2. Self-discipline
- 3. Setting Goals
- 4. Daily routines
- 5. Opportunities & Risks
- In conclusion – The perks are everywhere, just start looking
If done right, single life has many perks and benefits that will upgrade your life, and help you be the best version of yourself. In last week’s blog post, I wrote about the top 10 perks of being single, and how to focus on them. In this week’s post I want to share with you my methods of maximizing those perks. And how to
When I was freshly singled, I was so devoid of energy and just wanted to let go and have fun. I overstayed in an unhealthy relationship out of fear of being single, and not finding anyone. But I was so drained that I finally let go of it, and ended it. However, once that feeling passed, the fear of singleness started to creep back in… I did a whole 180 flip. I started panicking because of my age, which was inching closer to 30. And all the pressure around me from society had me chasing away my singleness like a headless chicken, in any way I could.
I went on failed date, after failed date and would blame myself for each of them. I lost all form or sense of control, and just ran away blindly from my fears. And I know that many of you have been there too. That deep, dark pit where you can’t even see a sliver of light. Where you hate and resent your singleness so much, that you can’t see anything beyond that. Let alone any of the many perks.
1. Taking control of your own life
It was during one of my lowest moments, where I basically sat and cried, wondering ‘why me?’… Feeling sorry for myself and unlovable. I truly started to believe that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I haven’t been one to feel sorry for myself in a long time, and I hated being like that again. I’ve come so far, worked on myself so much over the years, and I was supposed to be so much better than that. So much stronger. And in that moment I caught a grip of myself and decided to start taking control of my life again. That I no longer want to be that pathetic.
I was allowing men and failed dates to dictate how I felt about myself. I was giving them all the control over my mood and happiness. Like I needed them, like failure and rejection defined me in some way. And if you’re doing that as well, it’s time to stop. It starts with making a decision that you deserve better, that you no longer want that, and want to start doing better. Then you need to start taking control, understand that you need to be incharge. Don’t let anyone else do it for you, or wait around for it to happen on its own. It won’t. Also, don’t waste all of your energy on doing it for everyone but yourself.
During my darkest times, in my first couple of years of singlehood, I lost any semblance of motivation. I surrendered to the pain, fear and hardship. Nothing seemed to be working, so I just gave up all together, and stopped pushing myself forward. Meaning, I allowed myself to regress and sink even lower. I became a passive bystander in my own life. I stopped trying to find someone, I was blaming myself for everything, and I was just hating my singleness. Which only succeeded in one thing, making me feel even worse about myself and my life. It only held me back.
I was enabling myself and my insecurities, and that could only lead me to a fast track to darkness. Eventually, I realised that I need to start taking action to get the hell out of that pit I dug for myself. It’s not only about being motivated, it’s about being proactive, being an active participant in our own life. And not allowing our fears, emotions and anything else we may be feeling, get in the way, or stop us from moving forward. As I mentioned in the previous step, you need to make a decision, and you need to take control. You need to choose to take action with the goal of leveling up in mind.
3. Setting Goals
While in that dark pit I mentioned, I was just basically living to get through the day, not really having any intentions in mind. The fact that I couldn’t find love, my status as a single woman, and my hatred towards that… Dictated my life and how I felt about myself. Which meant, I wasn’t really living, I wasn’t striving for anything besides getting by, and even that just barely. Meaning, I allowed my relationship status, and what society thought and said about it, to control me. To prevent me from striving to do and be better, to setting goals for anything and everything else in my life.
I was allowing myself to live a pointless life, turning a blind eye to the fact that life has more to offer. That I may be single for a reason, and I needed to find it, and take advantage of it. One of the first steps of taking control of your life and building self-discipline… Is understanding what you want. Take the time to reflect on yourself, your life and what your passion is. Then make a list of your biggest and smallest goals and dreams. Then start setting them into your life, start creating opportunities and taking steps to achieving them. Write down your goals, keep them in front of your eyes as much as you can, and constantly reflect on them, in regards to your actions and progress.
4. Daily routines
In addition to all I mentioned, during that time I wasn’t being productive in any way. I wasn’t investing my time in myself, let alone the things that I loved. More often than not I was neglecting my school work and anything else that I had going on in my life. Instead, I was just wasting my time away, not focusing on anything with significance. All I could see was how much of a failure I was, of how unlovable I am. I was consumed by the fear of being and staying single forever… That I just didn’t live the rest of my life properly. I had no more structure or proper life patterns, Replaced all of my good, positive habits with unhealthy, negative ones.
I was enabling my fears to take over my life and make it toxic, I left the door wide open and allowed them to do as they pleased. Instead of making a habit of being productive, I made it a habit to just be lazy. In order to change all that, you should start incorporating your goals into my daily life. You need to take your dreams and goals and break them down into steps you can take, and tasks you can do… That lead up to them. Fill your daily schedule and life with these steps and tasks, one at a time. Slowly build up, and just keep moving forward – no matter your pace. It takes time, patience and keeping track of these routines.
5. Opportunities & Risks
Lastly, as part of being stuck in a rut, I was also stuck in the same place, which became my comfort zone, despite how much pain and misery it was causing me. The fear of singleness and loneliness radiated onto everything else in my life. And I started being afraid of my own shadow. I could barely make any decision anymore, let alone actually take any actions. I was just stuck there, in the same spot, revolving around myself, and feeling sorry for myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t have opportunities, I just couldn’t see them, because I wasn’t looking up, and around. Let alone looking for them.
I was basically just allowing opportunities to pass me by and fly out the window, without giving them a single glance or thought. And I definitely wasn’t taking risks, I was playing it as safe as I could, not to hurt my already broken spirit. Which only dug me deeper into the pit. So if you are also stuck in a pit, and want to get the hell out of it… Start looking for those opportunities. Lift your head and open your eyes, look around you, because they’re everywhere. Start taking every advantage you can and seeing beyond just your relationship status. Cross that line toward everything else life has to offer. And yeah, it’s scary, but we need to take risks and leaps of faith in order to amount to anything.
In conclusion – The perks are everywhere, just start looking
We tend to turn a blind eye to the perks, because we’re so focused on the downsides and disadvantages. We allow them to not only control our sight, but also our life and well being. So if you’re sick of wallowing, of being miserable and feeling like a failure who can’t be loved… Just take yourself and your life into your own hands and pull yourself out of that pit. Don’t wait around for it to just magically happen, or for someone else to do it for you. And please, I’m begging you – don’t wait for a “prince” or “knight” to come to your rescue. Rescue yourself. And trust me, you won’t only come out stronger, you will come out invincible.
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Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!