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Setting Goals When You’re Single and Thirty

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About setting goals when you’re single and thirty – what are the top goals you need to set, and how to set them.

I’ve never been one to celebrate my birthday, but it is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate with you all and share extra special content. July will be all about being single in your thirties, and the many different aspects of it – both good and bad. While still being single in your thirties can be daunting, it can also be thrilling. It’s all what you make and don’t make of it. You need to choose to take control of your life and singlehood. I say it all the time for good reason, because you can either waste it away by wallowing, and probably jumping into the wrong relationships… Or you can choose to take advantage of it and seize all of the opportunities it offers.

One of the most important things to do in order to take advantage of both your thirties and your singlehood (and the two combined…) Is to set proper goals for the different parts and aspects of your life. Figure out the following:

  • What do you want from yourself and your life?
  • Where do you want to be ten years from now? 
  • What do you love to do and what are you passionate about? 

A huge part of this is connecting with yourself, building a self-relationship, so you can get to know yourself better. So you can have a better, deeper understanding of who you are and what you want and need from life. When you do this, figuring out your goals will be so much easier and simpler to set and follow.

There is no wrong or right timeline

One of the biggest pressures in life and from society, across the board, is achieving certain goals by certain times and ages. If you don’t, there’s something wrong with you, or you won’t ever achieve it because it’s too late. I don’t believe you can achieve your goals properly if it’s done under immense pressure, and you definitely won’t actually enjoy your journey. So when you set your own goals, especially when you’re past that 30 mark… Let go of stigmas and misconceptions, block out all the haters, doubters and narrow minded people… And just do what’s best for you, at your own time and pace.

Because there is no right time, right way or right pace – only what’s right for you. Which is why being in tune with yourself is so crucial, so you can know yourself well enough to know what you want, what is right for you, and which way and pace is best suited for you. Be forgiving and understanding towards yourself, but also know when to push yourself harder and not allow yourself to over procrastinate. And most importantly, remember that it’s never too late and you’re never too old, if it’s really what you want.

1. Career goals

Setting your career goals starts with checking with yourself where you are now, versus where you want to be. One year from now. Five years. Ten. Then check with yourself which steps you can take towards those places. What can you do today? Where can you start? You need to understand what you want, what do you love and are passionate about? Personally, I don’t believe you can be consistent in a career path that you’re not good at and are not passionate about. So make sure to be brutally honest with yourself and that you’re on the right path. For me it’s also very important to set career goals, and focus on being successful, as a single woman. Right now, my writing career is at the center of my world, which makes goal-setting so much more important.

For example, my passion is writing. I love it as a form of storytelling, sharing and spreading feelings and personal experience, and as a therapeutic tool. In the next year I want to grow my blog and expand my reach. In the next five years, I want to do my Masters in writing therapy. And in the next ten years, I would like to be a bestselling author. These are the steps I take:

  • Break down each goal into smaller ones: Goal A – achieved in a year from now, broken down to smaller goals to be achieved every week or month.
  • Spread out these smaller goals: In July achieve X, in August achieve Y, in September achieve Z, and so on.
  • Create steps you can take that lead up to it: in order to achieve X, I need to do a, b and c on Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdaye, and do d, e and f on Wednesday, Thursdays and Fridays. 
  • Divide each step into tasks: to achieve a, I need to do this, that and the other.

** You can also use these goal-setting steps for the rest of the list.

Defining career goals is just half the battle. An individual must set their mind on accomplishing the goals he or she has set. However, if one doesn’t develop or map out their goals properly, it will be harder to achieve them.

What is a Career Goal?, https://corporatefinanceinstitute.com/
2. Relationship goals

When you’re single, setting relationship goals is different from doing so when you’re in a relationship. You don’t have that person yet in your life, so you’re essentially making decisions on blind. Finding a potential partner is not a sure thing, and there’s no one certain way to find one. It’s one of those things that you never know how and where it will come from. However, I do think that it’s important to understand with yourself if it’s something you want, and if so, when. What are the ways you can achieve that? And if it’s not something you want, at least not now, that’s fine too. There’s nothing wrong in wanting a relationship either. It doesn’t have to mean you’re uncomfortable with yourself and your singleness. You just have to make sure you’re doing it for all the right reasons.

For example, at the point where I am in my life right now, I’d much rather focus my time and energy on my career. Which is not to say that I won’t ever want a relationship, or that I will prevent one from happening if the right man came along. It just means that I won’t actively pursue one. 

  • Is it something you want to go out of your way to find? Or do you want to just let it be and if it happens, it happens?
  • Somewhere down the line, if you haven’t met someone yet, and would like to, you should start putting efforts into it, without losing yourself in the process.
  •  When you do decide you want a relationship, it’s crucial to set boundaries and be very clear and intentional with what you want and don’t want. 
  • We’ll always need to give from ourselves and make adjustments, and we need to decide what we’re willing to compromise on and what not. 

If you are not in a relationship and you want to change the way you perceive relationships, then you have to dig a bit deeper into your own memory, think about the reasons your past relationships ended and who was really to blame. 

Top 10 Relationship Goals for Singles, https://vavadating.com/
3. Friendship goals

When it comes to being single, there is more than just one type of relationship you can have. Friendships, colleagues, family members… They’re people you have some form of relationship with. The term relationship, contrary to popular belief, isn’t reserved solely for romantic ones. When you’re single, you learn more than ever how important it is to build and maintain platonic relationships, to fill your life with. When you’re in a romantic relationship, more often than not, you’re consumed by it and tend to neglect other relationships in your life. While during singlehood, you manage to replace that one relationship with 7 platonic ones. It’s important to understand what you want out of each relationship. Make sure that you only invest in the ones that are worth it and fill your life with value.

For example, platonic relationships are the main ones in my life right now. And I also can get lost in myself, so it’s important to pull myself out of it sometimes and go work on my other relationships as well.

  • In your platonic relationships, ask yourself a series of brutally honest questions to make sure they’re the right ones for you. That you’re not wasting your time and energy on all the wrong people. 
  • Choose to spend your time and efforts with people that matter, and make sure that you invest the right amount in each relationship. 
  • Make a mental note of all the important relationships in your life, and make a point of nurturing and nourishing them. Especially since 

Like all goal setting, you need to take a look at your current situation regarding your friendships to allow you to identify what you want to achieve and then how to set goals to achieve it.

Friendship Goals, https://www.achieve-goal-setting-success.com/
4. Travel goals

For example, I like to travel as much as I can, and see as many places as possible. I’d much rather spend my money on travel than anything else. I always try to make sure I put money aside to travel at least twice or three times a year. 

This one is not for everyone, and one does not have to travel to live a fulfilled life, if that’s what’s best for them. However, I do think it’s something everyone should at least try and see how they can fit it into their life. Not only as a means to take a break and relax on a vacation. But also as a form of self discovery, of learning and trying new things, both about yourself and about life. There’s a whole big world out there, it would be such a shame not to explore it. I preach a lot that life is about more than just getting married and having kids. It’s also more than just working and making money. And part of that is discovering the world and the different cultures, sceneries, history, etc. 

  •  It all starts with budgeting your expenses and income, and deciding how you want to allocate your money.
  • When traveling, try to take full advantage of it, to be fully immersed in it. 
  • Personally, I don’t like to travel just for shopping or tanning on the beach. I prefer to explore the many different sides of tourism. But you can decide for yourself what you want to do and get out of it.
  • Usually I like to prepare in advance at least a bit, to know what the main things I want to see, so I don’t miss out on. But I also like to leave space to just go where the wind takes us, and explore spontaneously. 
  • It’s also important to take advantage of your singlehood to travel as much as you can, as long as you don’t have anything tying you down.

Traveling is movement. Moving yourself from one point to another – investigating new corners of the world – is a delightfully simple and efficient way of changing perspective, and getting a broader and more inspired view of this thing we call life.

How to accomplish your travel goals, https://www.momondo.com/
5. Personal growth

As humans, we’re always growing, evolving and making changes. The more we live our life to the fullest, the more we experience, the more we grow and develop. While a lot of this is arbitrary and should happen naturally, we also can’t just live life as is and expect growth to just happen to us. It’s something we need to set goals for and work towards. Some aspects in life demand goal-setting, such as growing confidence and building self love. While others need to happen naturally, we still need to be mindful of them, so we know what is good for us and what isn’t. What things and people in our lives are contributing to our growth, and which are hindering and holding us back.

For example,  I like to do “decluttering” in my life. Just like spring cleaning… It’s important to take that time every so often to check what’s good for you and what has to go. Both physically and mentally. 

  • I like to self reflect on a regular basis. Ask yourself brutally honest and raw questions regarding the different aspects of your life. 
  • In which aspects have you made sufficient progress, and which not enough? How can you improve and do better in the future?
  • Start disposing of physical objects that are bad reminders, or just take up too much space. I also believe that when you live in a mess, you’re more likely to have a mess in your head. Which is never good for productivity. 
  • And also more complex as cleansing your life of toxic people, habits and activities. 
  • Then replacing them with better, more valuable things, like hobbies and gaining new skills.

Personal development can include any skill that you build to improve yourself—your emotions, thoughts, or behaviors. It doesn’t really matter which skills you want to improve; the key to personal development is taking the right steps—steps that help ensure that you reach whatever goal you are pursuing.

Personal Development: 9 Skills, Tips, and Examples, Tchiki Davis, Ph.D. Psychology Today
6. Health goals

Our bodies are our fortresses, and we need to do everything we can to take care of them, make sure that they stay young and healthy for as long as possible. One of our biggest priorities, if not biggest, should always be our health. Both physical and mental. We need to do whatever we can, take all steps needed to ensure that our health is at the top of our priorities. From making goals to eat healthier and workout more, to going to regular checkups and not neglecting ourselves when we’re sick. You need to decide with yourself what’s right and best for you. What amount of eating healthy and working out will bring you the best results. And which results will make you happy and satisfied.

For example, I’ve always loved to live a healthy lifestyle, as much as I can, but never fanatically. 

  • Life is also about indulging sometimes, and being too restricting is no way to live. Not to mention, it will make keeping up a diet so much harder. 
  • I like to make it fun, especially with workouts. When you find the right regime for you, and make it an enjoyable one… You’re more likely to stick to it and actually want to do it. 
  • With food, I like to experiment and try new things. It also makes it so much more fun, and ensures that you don’t get bored quickly and just give up.

It takes work each and every day to actually achieve our health goals.  Our first priority in setting our goals is being honest with yourself as to where we are at the moment, where we want to be, and what we need to do to reach our goals.

The Importance of Health Goals and How to Reach Them, Dr. Payal Bhandari M.D. Advanced Health
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Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
Michal B.L.

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Hey there! My name is Michal, I was born and raised in Israel, currently I live in a small city near Jerusalem. I'm a certified life coach, and in my Single Life Blog, I write about single life in all its glory and share Single Life Lessons to help you embrace yourself and your singlehood. I offer tips and advice for a better, happy single life, how to be independent, feel comfortable in your own skin and company, and how to not chase toxic people - all of which are based on my own 7-year single life experience.

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