Dating Yourself,  Single Life Blog

Reasons Why You Need to Date Yourself First

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These are the top 10 reasons why you need to date yourself first, and how it can improve your singlehood and self-relationship.

It would probably be much easier and quicker to list all of the reasons you shouldn’t date yourself first. Because there are none. And of course, there are many great reasons you should date yourself. For now, let’s focus on the top 10 reasons why you need to date yourself first. I believe that every person, no matter their relationship status should date themselves as well. In order to have strong and healthy relationships with others, you first need to have one with yourself. And you need to keep nurturing and nourishing it, just like you do with other relationships.

One of the first steps in your journey to embracing yourself and your singlehood, as well as building said self-relationship, is to date yourself. And no, I don’t mean going out to fancy restaurants and going all out and dramatic. At least not every single time. Your self-dates should be what you love and enjoy. Do the things that you want to do, that help you have fun and feel good in your own presence. The following are the top reasons why you need to date yourself first, which helped me as well in my own self-dating and singlehood journeys.

1. Feel more comfortable on your own

If you want to be more comfortable alone, you need to actually spend time with yourself. QUALITY time that will enhance the value of your own presence and alone time. An integral part of spending quality alone time is to date yourself. I don’t mean you have to go all out every single time. But if it’s valuable enough, it will help you feel more comfortable in your own company and with your own presence. Your self-dates will also help you feel comfortable with the following:

  • Get out of your comfort zone, do something different with yourself and your life.
  • Go out and do things with yourself, without worrying what people will think or say.
  • If there’s something you want to do, or somewhere you want to go, you don’t always have to wait around for someone else to do it and go with you. You can just do it for and with yourself.
2. Know your worth, feely more worthy

When you’re dating someone else, whether it’s a friend or potential partner, the quality time you spend with them, helps you get to know them and their worth better. And when they’re good enough, they also feel more worthy of being in your life and the investment of time and energy in them. It’s the exact same with yourself and your self-dates. Spending this quality alone time, especially on dates, helps you get to know yourself better. Thus learning how to appreciate yourself and your worth in the following ways:

  • Appreciate and love yourself as a person, and who you are, and know that you’re worthy of your own love and affection.
  • Recognise how amazing you are, and all of your positive and unique attributes and values. 
  • Understand and believe that you are a good person, and you deserve good people in your life. You deserve to be loved and you shouldn’t settle for less.
3. Radiating your worth to the world 

When you take the time to know your worth, and really believe that you are worthy, and that you’re a loveable person… You also radiate it outside to the world and people around you. Knowing your worth helps you be more confident in who you are and helps you hold yourself higher. Which is something that can be seen and felt from the outside, by other people. And again, knowing your worth requires you to not only spend quality time with yourself, but also date yourself as part of it. The following are the main ways your worth radiates from the inside out:

  • Knowing your worth prevents you from settling for just anyone, and you won’t give the time of day to just anyone who gives you theirs. You won’t hesitate to be picky with who you allow in your life.
  • People will recognise your non-bulshit mindset as a result of your self-worth, and know not to mess with you. This will filter out all of the negative, toxic people who will only harm you.
  • You’ll also attract better people into your life, who will enhance the quality and frequency. Because positive vibes attract other positive vibes. And people will want to be around you more. 
4. Less likely to let people miss-treat you

Your self-dates, along with learning your worth, will help you prevent people from miss-treating you. Because you’ll no longer allow them to, or allow people into your life who try to do so. As with anyone else in your life that you date, with yourself as well, you’ll hold yourself at a higher standard. And when you do so, you won’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t uphold that standard in your life. You won’t have a place in your life for people who don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. The following are the top ways in which you won’t let anyone miss-treat you:

  • If someone tries to take advantage of you, or keeps you on the back-burner, as a choice and not an option.
  • If someone constantly makes you beg, chase or wait around for them. If they make you feel like you need to work hard for their love and affection.
  • If someone makes you feel like you can’t be yourself around them, and forces you to be someone you’re not. Or do things you don’t want to do. If they gaslight you into believing that you’re the problem, and you need to change for them, or are not good enough.
5. Investing in yourself

Dating yourself, as with anyone else you date, is an investment. Of time, money and energy. When the person is worthy, so is the investment. You’re always worth the investment in yourself, and doing so helps you believe in that. As well as being the person who is even more worthy in your eyes. And again, when you invest in yourself, you radiate out to the world that you’re worth the investment. Thus you’ll attract better people who will also invest in you, and see how best to do so. There are many reasons self-dates are a smart investment in yourself, here are the main ones:

  • There’s no ‘I have no time’, there’s only ‘I don’t want it enough’. When you’re taking time out of your hectic schedule for your self-dates, it’s a way of showing yourself that you want to and are worthy of investing that time.
  • You self-dates should be out of the ordinary, and different from any other time you spend with yourself. They need to be special occasions, thus requiring more investment of money and energy.
  • An investment means you’re enhancing the quality and value of something. You’re taking a chance on yourself, and getting a profit in return. Self-dates make you a better self and provide you with a stronger self-relationship.
6. Prevents you from settling

Once you’ve learned your worth and know that you’re worthy of the investment and good treatment, you’ll also refuse to settle for anyone who goes against all that. You’ll not only know your value and that you deserve so much better. But you’ll also be good and strong enough on your own, and by yourself that you won’t feel the need to just fill space with anyone you can find. The following are the top ways in which you’ll no longer settle in your single life:

  • You won’t be willing to accept just anyone into your life just for the sake of filling it. Nor will you lower your standard for anyone.
  • You’ll appreciate yourself and your alone time enough to not just give it up for just anyone. And you’ll be picky with who you give your time to.
  • No one will have a free-pass in your life and be able to cross your boundaries as they see fit. And you won’t be willing to make exceptions for anyone. 
7. Bonding time with yourself

Taking the time to self-date helps you do just that, as well as feel closer to yourself. It helps you create a deeper bond with yourself, so you care more about your own wants and needs, and not only everyone else’s. Certainly not constantly put them above your own. Just like you would do for anyone else in your life who you have a strong bond with. These are the top ways bonding with yourself is beneficial:

  • Self-bonding time allows you to grow closer to yourself, as well as feel fondness towards yourself. Which will help you see yourself in a better light, and focus on all the good things you love.
  • When you feel bonded with yourself, you stop seeing self-dates as a waste of time, energy and money. And more as a good investment in yourself.
  • Your strong bond will also help you stop seeing your alone time as a punishment. And start seeing it as a gift, as well as feel more comfortable in your own company.
8. Grow closer to yourself

The more time you spend alone, and the better quality it is, the closer you’ll grow to yourself. It’s so much easier to appreciate and self-love when you feel close to yourself, just like it does with friends and family. When you’re close with yourself, you also trust yourself better. You want better things for yourself, and will invest what you need for it. The closer you are, the better you get to know yourself, what you want and like. The following are the top ways in which growing closer to yourself can improve your single life:

  • When you feel close to yourself, just like you do with others in your life, you have more self-trust and feel like you have your own back.
  • You feel better, more comfortable alone, in your own presence, and in your own skin. And you feel free and comfortable, like you can just be who you truly are.
  • When you’re close to yourself you also want the best for yourself and are not willing to settle for less than that. Nor will you let anyone bring you down or lower your worth.
9. Know better what you want

If you’re constantly going on all the wrong dates with all the wrong guys, it’s likely partly because you don’t really know what you want. And how could you possibly know what you want, what’s good for you, if you don’t even know yourself properly? Self-dates help you grow closer to yourself, and thus understand yourself, your wants and needs better. As well as what kind of people, treatment and dates you’re worthy of. The following are the main benefits of being knowing what you want:

  • When you know yourself and what you want better, you also better know what you’re worth and what you’re not willing to put up with. And what your boundaries and red-lines are.
  • Knowing what you want well, also allows you to recognise better and faster if someone is right for you and matches what you’re looking for. It will also prevent you from settling for anyone who doesn’t align with what you want. 
  • If you know what you want, you’ll also be able to be more efficient with it, and won’t tolerate anything else or less. It provides you with a non-bulshit mindset that filters out people who don’t suit you. And you’ll waste less time. 
10. Be more attuned to yourself

Self-dates allow you to also take the time to slow down for a moment, be open to yourself and your surroundings and start paying more attention to you. Start noticing the small nuances in yourself that you like and don’t like. This means you can be more in-sync with yourself and pay more attention. You are able to tap into the intricacies of your inner and higher self. This way you’re more aware of yourself, your space and your pace. Being attuned with yourself is not only one of the best reason why you need to date yourself first. It’s also one of the best methods to help you embrace yourself and your singleness. The following are the main benefits of being attuned with yourself:

  • You can be more in control of your actions and intentions, and be more intentional with them. Thus being more efficient and productive.
  • Recognise much quicker when something or someone isn’t good for you, and even harming you and should be removed. As well as how to do so better.
  • You’ll know exactly what and who is good for you, what is causing a reduction in the frequency and vibes in your life. As well as what enhances and improves them. This way you can focus on and add more of what is good for you and your life better.
In conclusion – dating yourself, will help you date better

There is no shortage of reasons why you need to date yourself first. While building and maintaining relationships with other people in your life is crucial, it shouldn’t come at the expense of your own self-relationship. We tend to neglect it and ourselves in favour of others and our relationship with them. Neither should come at the expense of the other, but your self-relationship is the base of all other relationships in your life. If it is weak, it can cause all the other relationships in your life built upon it, to crumble and fall apart. 

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Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
Michal B.L.

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Hey there! My name is Michal, I was born and raised in Israel, currently I live in a small city near Jerusalem. I'm a certified life coach, and in my Single Life Blog, I write about single life in all its glory and share Single Life Lessons to help you embrace yourself and your singlehood. I offer tips and advice for a better, happy single life, how to be independent, feel comfortable in your own skin and company, and how to not chase toxic people - all of which are based on my own 7-year single life experience.