Are You Too Comfortable In Your Own Company?

6 Signs you are too comfortable in your own company, the possible repercussions and how best to cope.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about 10 steps to enjoy your own company, which is a topic I’ve been touching on a lot since I became single, and especially since I started this blog. Lately, I’ve also found myself questioning at what point does it become a little too much? This began to echo in my thoughts when I realised that I’ve become so comfortable in my own company, that more often than not – I avoid going out and hanging with others. And when I do, I can’t wait to be alone again.

Ever since I was a young girl, I loved being alone and enjoyed my own company. Perhaps it was due to not being popular and not having many friends, but I grew to cherish my own company and for that I’m grateful. Recently though, especially with the pandemic, I’ve found myself having anxiety when being with others. Not always and not with everyone, but it did get me wondering whether I may be a bit too comfortable by myself.

These are the top signs I’ve detected in myself, that may suggest that perhaps we are too comfortable in our own company:

1. You get annoyed by the presence of others

It’s okay to get upset every so often, to be annoyed by the presence of others. However, if it happens every single time, or at least most times… That you just want to be alone and whenever someone dares to disrupt your never ending alone time, you get upset – then you may be a bit too comfortable in your own company.

2. You avoid going out / Cancel plans with friends

We’ve all been there – canceling plans last minute. I’m not talking about legitimate last minute urgent stuff that comes up. I’m talking about canceling because you want to be alone, because you can’t be bothered to see anyone. Usually due to just being content to be on your own, doing whatever it is you enjoy doing alone.

3. You get social anxiety

This was the step that first raised my awareness that I may have a problem. I suddenly started feeling anxious whenever I had to leave the house, and meet other people. When I wasn’t alone anymore, and there were people around me, I would get super nervous and just ache to be alone again.

4. You can go the whole day without talking to anyone

During this lockdown, having no school or work – and everything outside is closed – there were days that I barely left my bedroom. Luckily I had to use the toilet and eat, otherwise I really would be stuck the whole day. I got so good at keeping myself busy, and enjoy my company so much – that for quite a few days in a row, I could just be on my own.

5. You ghost everyone

Furthermore, you also ignore any incoming phone calls and messages. It may not be on purpose most of the time. – Although, I found that I couldn’t be bothered to speak to anyone many times. – But you just sort of lose track of time and your surroundings, just forgetting to check your phone or get back to someone. 

6. When you’re with others, you can’t wait to be alone

In those rare moments when I did leave the house to meet people, I couldn’t wait to be alone again. I was just counting the minutes until I could leave and spend more time in my own company, away from humanity. You also probably can’t completely be present with the others, and feel detached.

There is a very fine line between being comfortable in your own company, and being too comfortable in your own company. To determine on which side of the scale you are, you first need to face the brutal truth. Take a moment to reflect on yourself, and try to be as honest as you can. Go over the list above, and ask yourself if you have done most of them. Have you done those things more often than not. If the answer to both those questions is yes, then you might need to start taking steps to find the balance again.

Finding the balance between being comfortable in your own company, and being too comfortable in your own company, is tricky, but key to be happy. Here are a few steps and methods that I used to overcome it:

1. Share it with your close friends and family

I found that speaking about it, with my closest friends and family, helped me finally come to terms that I have a small problem. Just like with many things, speaking about issues that weigh on you can help ease the pressure. Tell them what you’re going through so they can not only help you carry the weight, but also assist you in finding solutions.

2. Stop canceling plans

Simple as that. This requires a good measure of self discipline, but if you’ve made it this far, odds are you don’t want to sink in further. So I’m sure you will find it in you to make that effort, to even force yourself at first. With time it will get easier. 

3. Make a point of going out more

This doesn’t mean you have to overcompensate and go out every day, but try to ease into it. The most important thing is to just not stay at home all day alone. If you live with someone, try to hang out with them a bit. If you can, invite a friend over or go to them. Start small and gradually build up.

Believe me, I know that these are all easier said than done, but there are many repercussions that might have harsh effects in the long run.

1. It will be much harder to share my space and let someone in

This has been difficult enough as it is, and I fear that if I get too comfortable in my own company, I may never be able to let anyone else in again. Whether it be a romantic or platonic relationship. I find that the more time passes and I let myself get more comfortable, the less I miss people. I’m so protective over my own space, that if I also get too comfortable in my own company, it will be that much harder to share it once I find someone.

2. It will likely get harder to spend time with others – social anxiety

Social anxiety has a tendency to deteriorate steadily and quickly. The more time you spend only with yourself, the harder it will be to get out of your shell and back into society. Living with social anxiety can have very destructive effects on one’s life – to the point where it would be hard to walk down a crowded street or go shopping at the supermarket. So the sooner you identify the problem and decide to do something about it, the better. 

3. You will likely grow apart with your loved ones

If you continue avoiding peoples company, eventually they will get sick and tired of trying to keep in touch, when you just push away. If I keep canceling plans with my friends, then they’re just going to stop wanting to hang out all together and just won’t invite me anymore. Which will probably result in not having any more friends, and that is not good – because as humans, we need to have friends and interact with other people. 

Personally, I have been trying to put this issue at the top of my priorities, because in these crazy times it can get even worse. It’s hard enough as it is to stay in touch and have human interactions with all the lockdowns and pandemic. So if I don’t spend what little time I can to pay attention to my loved ones, not only will I lose them, I will also lose myself in the process. 

Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
Michal B.L.

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