Caged Lion: How Lockdown Led Me to Launch My Dream

The world shut down, and something inside me woke up — how quarantine pushed me to chase my dream and start this blog.

Welcome to my new blog and my very first blog post!

First off, I hope you are all doing well and feeling as good as possible in these crazy times. Please stay safe.

Life Before the Pause

Running on Empty: The Chaos of a Packed Schedule

Up until two months ago, I lived on a very tight and overflowing schedule. Also, while each day was different from the others, it was quite monotonic. I went from school to work and back again, doing my volunteering, homework, writing, and doing daily errands and tasks.

On top of that, I went to the gym, spent time with friends and family (as much as I could at least), and had downtime for myself and hobbies. It has been this way for the past (almost) four years, since I started College. Even before that, I was always drawn to that “on the go” life. Just like everyone else, I love my quiet “doing nothing time”. But there is a limit, which I usually exceed pretty quickly.

Then, I had no choice but to stay put.

When the World Stopped

Quarantine Shock: From Busy to Nowhere Fast

This is the final semester of my studies, which should be a hectic, crammed period. But instead, courtesy of the coronavirus and quarantine, it turned into something else entirely. So for the past two months I’ve been spending more time in my apartment than I ever have… Getting the rent money’s full worth, at least.

I’ve been out of work, studying via ZOOM and no longer have a good enough excuse to leave the house. Or even changing out of my pyjamas when I woke up. It felt like from one day to the next, the whole world had gone mad. Life as I knew it changed so suddenly and completely.

At first, I thought, ‘okay, this is nice, some forced relaxation. A break from all the chaos.’ But then it went on and on and on… It was great for the first week; catching up on sleep, Netflix, reading, writing and other small stuff I’ve never got around to.

The Slippery Side of Stillness

Lazy Days, Restless Nights: When Relaxation Turns to Stir-Crazy

Let’s face it, even the most un-lazy people like to just be downright lazy from time to time.

But then it went on for longer than a week, then two, and before I knew it… It’s two months later. I’m sure many of you, in a similar situation, are feeling much of the same… Experiencing the frustrations and mood swings. Wanting to bang your head against the wall, crawl out of your skin and always fidget restlessly.

Trying to stay positive and productive in these unknown and strange times is a difficult task. Which I’m not yet sure how possible it is. To a certain extent, there are many ways and things to keep us busy and feeling useful. I’m doing everything I can for that feeling, that sense of fulfilment that I’m addicted to.

Feeling Lost, Wanting More

Purpose on Pause: Trying to Stay Positive Without Direction

I’ve been writing a lot and working out the best I can in the space available. But other than that, I’ve been feeling a bit lost. I have no work, which is something that hasn’t happened in many years. School goes on as semi-normal as can be online, but it’s not the same. I’ve been losing focus and drive to give it my all. Which I really wanted and was looking forward to, especially being my final semester.

Leaving with a bang was suddenly no longer possible, or at least that’s what I’ve been feeling.

No one is banning us from leaving the house. No one is keeping us physically shackled, but they may as well. Because even with the supermarket trips and the occasional run, I try to keep my contacts with the outside world to a minimum. Because the virus is still out there, and you just never know when and how you can get infected. Or even worse – infect other people.

Section 5: The Invisible Walls

Social Distance, Emotional Disconnection

Not to mention, that there is not much outside anyway – in a city once so full of life, hustle and bustle, now there’s just stillness. So, I remain between my four walls. And no matter how nice the decor is, or how comfortable I feel within them, I’ve felt caged and locked up. Like there is something I should be doing, or somewhere I should be going, but can’t. The most difficult challenge at this time is not seeing any of the people closest to me in the world.

I truly believe in social distancing, even outside of the virus issue – people should learn to respect others’ boundaries and personal space. Personally, I hate when people I’m not close with are touching and hugging, and not everyone is good at regarding that. So I’m hoping that we learn from this and continue to practice it also when this is all over.

That being said, I haven’t hugged my mum in over two months, and that’s probably the thing I miss most. As a human, you need physical contact and interactions with others to keep your spirits high. Without being able to go on living my life properly, being profitable and fully constructive… I feel like anything I do is pointless. Because despite all the writing I’ve been doing, there is this chronic, constant and nagging feeling like I’m not doing enough… That I’m just wasting my time and life, and everything has lost its meaning.

Caged Lion Energy

Trapped in Stillness, Craving Movement

I’m so used to being out and about, going from one place to another, and just doing and checking things off my list.

Now that it hasn’t been possible, I feel like a caged lion, stuck between bars and slowly going stir-crazy. Life is slowly going back to normal, but it’s too slow and a little too late… Because I just feel like I’ve been losing so much time, regardless of the positivity that I’ve been desperately holding on to.

This last year of my 20s was crucial to me, and I wanted to take advantage of every moment. Especially since I was amidst a quarter-life crisis, in panic from the daunting age of 30, which was approaching faster and faster. But there wasn’t much I could do about it, as the world literally put a stop sign on my life. But I was determined to find a way, despite the limitations.

Turning Frustration Into Forward Motion

New Dreams, New Steps: Creating Purpose from the Void

So never the one to wallow and allow myself to drown in self-pity, I’ve forced myself to make some new goals. Think of steps I can take NOW to move forward and reach those goals. Yes, my space has become constricted, but what CAN I do in the space I DO have?

Especially with online resources and social media – the space becomes essentially infinite. There are so many options, without even leaving my room, I just need to find them and be creative. I have a wild imagination. Why not use it to my advantage? And I bet you, too, have something in you that you can utilise better, especially in trying times.

My biggest dream is to write novels and be a travel writer, share my stories, experiences and adventures. So I made a to do list, with realistic and possible steps I can take, which is relevant to anything you want to achieve in my opinion. In addition to working on my story and taking it out of my brain and onto a written page, I’ve opened an Instagram account to promote and share small snippets of my writing.

It was a small, simple step – but it was a step out of the rut and into creating something new. And doing something productive with myself, my time and my talents.

The Scariest Step

Going Live: Hitting Publish on My First Blog

But the first real big and scary step is this, sharing my thoughts on a grander scale… Putting it out there into the great wide web for the very first time, and hoping someone out there finds it, likes it, and maybe even relates to it. Because that’s the hardest part, isn’t it? Feeling like you’re all alone in it, right? Which is absurd in a way, because the is a worldwide pandemic. But because you’re stuck in your own little bubble, it feels like it’s just happening to you.

For quite a while now I’ve been contemplating on it, mulling over whether I should start my own blog. I’ve been wondering if my thoughts and ideas are even good or interesting enough… Maybe they’re not the most extravagant and groundbreaking, but I’ve been blessed with a creative mind that’s always conceiving stories, characters and words. So why not share it and put it into the world? Even if I only reach and touch a handful of people, it’s worth it.

I was born with wings, ever the dreamer that loves to think big, and I’ve never allowed anyone to cut off those wings and put me down. So why should I allow myself to?

If You Take One Thing from This…

Dream Anyway: Why You Should Bet on Yourself

Whether you found this during the pandemic, or years after – if you take away anything from this ramble, it’s this… Allow yourself to dream, believe in that dream and don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not good enough. Even when the world tries to halt you with all its might. Because there will always be challenges, and to succeed, you need to overcome them.

Don’t let excuses, circumstances and restrictions stop you, because there is always a way. All you have to do is take a leap of faith in yourself and take the right measures to bring you closer to your goal. One step at a time – and no skipping, because there are no shortcuts to real success and a sense of fulfilment.

Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
Michal B.L.

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